Thoughts...in no particular order

As I sit here on the eve of the beginning of my teaching career, I can't help but have no freaking clue how I'm supposed to feel right now. I didn't always what to become a teacher. It was something that sort of just happened to me in college. And as the economy steadily went down hill in the past years or so, I began to think that I may be one of those people that don't end up using their degree. Because of an amazing turn of events, and I'll be the first to say, divine intervention, here I sit. Not only with a job where I'll use my degree, but a teaching position that is furthering my education and career all at the same time, an opportunity most have to fight tooth and nail for many years to receive. I feel blessed, I feel nervous, I feel excited, I feel... It's nice to have a crazy mix of emotions every now and again. A new beginning that I truly have no clue what to expect from. I only have a few constants in my life, my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ, my husband, my parents, my sisters, my brothers...and that's about it. But the older I get the more I realize that those are the only constants I need.

I sit here not knowing what to expect, and in some ways, am excited to not know. I've always been one of those people that has it all figured out. Even if I ended up changing my mind, I always went from knowing exactly what I wanted to do...to knowing the new exactly what I wanted to do. It's amazing that as I become more aware of who I am, gain a better appreciation and knowledge for the aforementioned constants, I just don't care anymore about knowing every detail of what is to come. Change used to be a dreaded thing for me, now it's what I look forward to...now it's less of an adjustment and more of an adventure.

I love the opportunity I have to feel the need to prove myself to others. Is that just sick? The fact that I always do better when others doubt me? I sort of see it as a blessing, but lets be honest, it's more of a RUSH than anything! That feeling when you know all eyes are on you, when you know that there are many waiting, watching, wishing you'd fail, and then BAM! just like that, you're on the top of your game and they can't help but feel glad they have you. (keep in mind this is only how these sorts of situations have happened in the past...just hoping it happens this way again haha). The rush of accomplishment has been my high since I stopped playing soccer competitively and just focused on school. It was my sick addiction in college. Most late teens/20-somethings get drunk and do drugs, I would go to the library, study for 10 hours straight, run to the testing center and ace a test, hahaha, I get a rush just thinking about it. How lame is that? But that's what it's like for me now, and I don't/won't ever feel stupid about it, because look what I have to show for it. I didn't have those moments where I blacked out in a drunken stupor and did something I'll regret for the rest of my life, nope, I have an honor roll membership, a letter notifying me I'm on the Dean's List, a Student Teacher of the Year award, and lastly, a job people would kill for. Granted I know for a fact that these accomplishments, ability to sit for 10 hours in a library and pass a test (studies show this isn't a good way to go about college, kids), and this job are all blessings from my Heavenly Father. There's no doubt in my mind about that! But I can't help but just loving it all! Just soaking up this moment, where all my hard work paid off..... And just loving every minute of it!

*Cheers*

P.S. Don't let the confidence fool you, I'm scared out of my mind, but I'm a firm believer in "Fake it 'til you make it"