Thursday, October 10, 2013

Womanhood

I've mentioned before how I am a little new to relishing in womanhood. I grew up with a "Girl Power" mom, who raised us to know that we could ALWAYS do whatever a boy/man could do. Sometimes I think I took that lesson a little too far and began to look down at the female sex--like most women were so weak, they didn't understand they could do anything a man could do.

The older I get, the more I start to take pride in being a woman! In our church, we have a woman's organization called Relief Society. We meet together for an hour on Sunday's to learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ together. I love learning and being able to share with one another from a woman's unique perspective.

Our particular Relief Society group meets once a month on Wednesday nights, in addition to Sundays, to have a "Mother Education Classes." Last night the class was on infertility, adoption, and family planning. Three ladies spoke about their various struggles with infertility and the paths that struggle has taken them down. Something that hit me was how varied each of their particular situations were. Each was caused by health problems, but each was extremely unique and different from one another. It's a wonder that anyone is ever able to have a baby!

I don't think it'd be my place to share each of their specific stories, since it is obviously such a personal struggle. However, I did want to share what I took away from last night. The biggest lesson was that we NEVER have any idea what other people are going through. If you looked at these ladies, you would see good-looking, well put together, successful, kind, service-oriented people. Your first thought would never come to the battle they have fought for multiple years, if not decades. My uncle always says, "If you go into a room with your problems in a bag, you'll look around that room and see what's in everyone else's bag, and you'll always walk out of that room with your own bag." It gave me a stronger resolve to be a little kinder to everyone I come in contact with. You never know the battle they are fighting and the struggle it took for that person to be standing in front of you at that moment.

Last night reminded me to slow down. This is something I am always trying to overcome. I often react to situations, instead of taking a step back and seeing the bigger picture or thinking about the repercussions of my actions. In this scenario, that means I often ask questions that are none of my business--"Do you guys know when you want to have another baby?" I shudder at how many times I have asked that in the last 6 months alone. It honestly was coming from a place of goodness and eagerness to make bonds with all of the new people I've been meeting. However, when held up to the experiences of these ladies, I obviously see the error in my ways. After their presentation I was talking with a few of the ladies and I realized that the best possible reaction to have when someone reveals their struggles is to have respectful honesty. What I mean by that is, you don't have to have some grand statement to get them through their struggle, a simple, "I'm so sorry" really does suffice. I find myself not wanting the other person to feel awkward and so I just. can't. stop. talking!

A few of them gave examples of off the cuff remarks they have received--"At least you won't gain weight" because of adoption, or "You're so lucky you get to sleep-in on Saturdays" because they have no kids. It's hard because, I can see how someone would say that without realize the repercussions of their statement, but I'm reminded of one of my very first post(read at your own risk! That was a venting post from a very dark time in my life..yikes!) from long long ago--try to help the person in the situation, not yourself. What would they like to hear, what would help them? It goes against our natural being and it's hard! But obviously the right thing to do.

Lastly, one of the ladies shared something that I hope I will always remember. (I wish I could have just recorded how she said it, but here's the best I can do from memory!) She said that she used to always say, "This isn't fair, life isn't fair, why is this happening to me?" A friend of hers that dealt with infertility said to her, "Life isn't fair, and that is a miracle. It is because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ that life isn't fair. If it weren't for him, we would all have had to suffer on the cross for our sins, but he did it for  us. Thank goodness life isn't fair!"

This whole post was to tell you that I love being a woman! There is a bond with woman that cannot be described or duplicated by men. Sometimes I see women judging one another or battling over breastfeeding/bottlefeeding, co-sleeping, etc. and it makes me so sad! There's no need to compete with each other when we could all just use this bond to build one another up. The emotional bond we have is unreal and makes me so proud of who I am.

7 comments:

  1. Thanks for your beautiful post. I'm so happy to know that last night was helpful. I am grateful that I could share my story and I am so grateful to also share this womanhood.

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    1. It was so awesome! Thanks for being so open about your situation, it's so nice to be able to learn more!

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  2. That's a great RS activity to have! I too feel like my eyes are slowly being opened to all the difficulties out there. I'm like you said, I can't stop talking and try to make it better. An "I'm sorry" will always work because we don't know what the other person is going through.
    Being a woman is not for the faint of heart!

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    1. Their the best activities! I love it because it's educational (new topic every month), it's stimulating, uplifting, and doesn't completely revolve around eating food! :)

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  3. I love everything you've ever written and really agree. I think especially in a church situation for some reason people start to ask personal questions, when are you going to get married, when are you going to have a baby, when are you going to have another baby, etc, and they they ask because they like you and they're curious and they want to see us happy. But it can cut like a knife deep down to your heart when someone asks you that and you're going through something like infertility. My best friends sister is a pastors wife and her and her husband have been unable to get pregnant all 6 years of their marriage and being young, sweet, pretty and seemingly very healthy people ask them all the time and I know it really hurts both of them. Also the "Well enjoy your sleep" type comments, I can't imagine how angry that would make me! Sometimes it's hard to remember that our job here on earth isn't to please ourselves but to build up others and put them first just like Jesus did - as hard as it can be sometimes. I think it's great to be a woman too because of the relations and bonds we can form - so thankful for my friends and for the Godly women that inspire me. Thank you for this post Joree!

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    1. I totally agree! The church setting makes people feel more comfortable asking extremely personal questions. I guess because spirituality is such a personal area of life, so people feel they can ask personal questions? I'm not sure, but that's so interesting to think about!

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    2. ...sent too early :) But I do think you're right, it's coming from a genuine place--it doesn't change the hurt though! Ugh, so hard!

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