The Glass Castle is a book of memoirs written by Jeannette Walls. Her family is essentially a bunch of nomads, traveling around the U.S. dodging bill collectors. Any time a situation got a little harry or her dad got sick of working, the family would up and move. I'll be honest, this book was a lot to handle at moments. I had to keep reminding myself that this was actually a set of memoirs and that I had found it in the "Non-fiction" section of my library. "No way this could happen in real life!" or "No way people like this actually exist!" were the thoughts that continually kept creeping back into my mind. I had to convince myself to keep reading a few times because it is too hard for me to hear about awful things happening to children. I've mentioned before, becoming a mother made a new kind of heartache arise in me every time something bad happens to a child. I can't watch Law and Order: SVU anymore because it's just too much!
I felt myself getting physically mad--no, not mad--livid/furious/irate over many of the responses the parents had to Jeannette and her siblings. The situations the parents put them in, the way the children were treated, the fact that more often than not, the kids were more responsible than the parents, drove me up the wall!
It brought me right back to when I was a teacher. I remember one student that came to me with a drop-out form. "What's this?" I asked him. "It's a form you have to sign so I can drop out." "But you're a senior, you literally have 6 months until you can graduate. Why don't you just stick it out until graduation?" "Because my parents disowned me and I have to work so I can eat and pay bills." AHHHHHH! If I could have told him everything I was thinking I would have told him, "You'll never go back for your GED like you think you will. It's not that you can't or don't have the intellect or intelligence to do so, it's because GEDs are expensive and quite frankly, not even close to the same as a high school diploma. Also, you're parents suck! That's right, I said suck! You only get to be a kid once and they stole that from you. They literally stole some of the most precious memories you will ever have right out from under you. The saddest part is that you will probably never fully understand what you missed out on! The amount of wasted potential that is balled up inside of you makes me want to cry, real tears of sorrow because you and I have come so far since you called me a 'bitch' the first month of school. I had big hopes and dreams of showing you just how awesome you could be! But instead, you're going to quit. Again and again and again, you're going to quit. Because your parents suck!"
But teachers don't get to say things like that. Especially not new teachers that haven't reached tenure yet. So instead I told him I wouldn't sign it. If he was going to drop-out, I didn't want any part of that. Then I learned I had to sign it. So I did. It makes me sick just thinking about it.
So yeah, it hurts me when bad things happen to children. The one thing that kept me going was that I knew the ending. I didn't actually know the ending, but being around kids enough, you start to get the sense about the ones that rise above. The ones that say, "screw you" to all the garbage their parents had filled them with and decide to find out what the world is really like for themselves. The book was written so well that I knew Jeannette had been one of those kids that rose above her parents and her upbringing.
Just thinking about this has got me all fired up again! It was a book filled with raw emotion. If you want a book that will make you feel, this book delivers.
Joree, I read this and am from WV. Believe it or not, I could relate in some things (I had suppressed them and this brought memories back), like the leaky roof-my sister who also read the book was so mad that we weren't smart enough to put tarps up, and the oh so itchy army blankets, just to name a couple. And, what I didn't experience myself, I saw in the lives of my classmates sometimes. It wasnt that my parents were alcoholics or didn't work or were uneducated, but they were a social worker and a teacher who had 8 children and had difficulty saying no to people who needed help. I know the book is sad and infuriating, but if you grow up that way, it is normal for you and you have more empathy floor the situation.
ReplyDeleteSPOILER ALERT: Surprisingly, I wasn't even referring to the living conditions in my review. What bothered me was when the dad took his elementary aged son to a prostitute. Or when he whored Jeannette out to help him win money in pool. Or when the grandmother was molesting the brother and their older sister stood up for him, and the dad was irate at the sister. Or when the uncle was touching Jeannette and masturbating, and the mom told Jeannette she was being too sensitive and overreacting. I don't care how any one grows up, I will never have empathy for any of that. I would go to jail if someone did any of those things to my child.
DeleteNo, the sexual abuse is appalling, and I saw evidence of it growing up--sitting with a girl on our bus that lived a mile away and having her explain that her pawpaw was both her dad and grandfather. I have close friends who were molested as young children (typically by a family member or close family friend), and family members who were. I remember being so afraid of my cousin's husband when I was little and she would force me to sit on his lap and I would scream until someone would grab me. Come to find out, he and my cousin cornered my sister and tried to force her to have sex with him, but luckily another cousin walked in before things got started. I also learned he molested both their children. An uncle propositioned my sister, and another uncle I will not go near and will never let him touch any children I will have, which is partly why I purposely schedule trips home to miss family reunions because my parents always said not to make a scene because nothing happened to me and to just stay away from him. However, he always, always finds me and pulls me uncomfortably close for uncomfortably long, and there were other instances with him and other family members. It is largely not talked about, and those who are very close to me who were abused are very well adjusted because they did not let it define them.
DeleteLike I said, it brought back a lot of suppressed memories that are coming up as we are talking about it. A lot of people in that situation feel trapped because it is family, typically, and they feel stuck because they don't want to cause issues with family members. I am not saying it is right-by choice, I won't go see the family that I have issues with, but I miss seeing other family members that I love and miss by so doing. Part of it is we were raised to preserve family ties-you may not like it, but they are family and you don't disown family. I don't condone what happened by any means and am appalled by people who think it is ok, but if you grew up in a situation where that was normal or you felt trapped because you didn't know what to do because you were a child, it does give you empathy for the kids who weren't as lucky as you to come out unscathed. I tend to bury these memories because that was what I was taught to do, and Jordan will say to me, "how can you forget this?" Again, when things are normal to you, you put it out of your mind. My dad became a social worker so he could help, but after being in charge of child services for a number of years he had to switch positions because he couldn't handle it any more. The number of people who need help outnumber the resources, and too often children were/are placed back into situations that no child deserves. Again, I am not saying it is ok by any means, but when you grow up with it, you do gain empathy for the victims or the parents who feel trapped by family ties or more than likely were abused themselves and have some twisted view of what normalcy is. I agree, anyone who touches my child inappropriately will have some serious injury coming to them, but I knowing what I know and experienced, I can't help but feel for the situation. It is a very emotional subject for me, but it has taught me many valuable lessons in life, and those who were abused and overcame it are some of the strongest people I know and respect. When they who have the most right to be angry at the world can find forgiveness for the perpetrator, I need to examine myself and learn from them to be more loving and forgiving.
DeleteI might also add that because of what I grew up with, everyone had the, "Shit happens so suck it up and move on" mentality. So, when I had students who tried to give me excuses as to why they couldn't do their work, not just need extra time but "couldn't" do it period because of their situation/experiences I would get in trouble with the administration because I said, no, they will do it if they want credit for the course from me-the one exception was the kid undergoing chemotherapy-I gave him no credit and told him I couldn't fail him for that but I couldn't pass him since I never saw him. Bad things happen, and you deal with it and move on. You have death, abuse, illness, but you deal with it and move on. That attitude has gotten me told I am callused and uncaring here. If you always allow someone to use their experience as a crutch, they will never grow, and you are doing them an extreme disservice, no matter how much you feel for them.
DeleteI don't want it to sound like we don't do anything or don't care, because we do care and try very hard. I remember in 6th grade seeing a friend very upset and wouldn't let it go until she told me what was wrong. Our school at the time was the oldest building still in use as a school in the US at the time, from what I remember being told, and we used tunnels in the basement to get from one section of the school to another. (this was the last year it was in use) It was dark and creepy but you did it to get to classon time. Anyways, my friend after much persistence informed me that a fellow student had cornered her there and molested her but she begged me not to tell anyone because she didn't want to get into trouble. I finally convinced her that if I told my mom who was friends with her mom, my mom would make sure she didn't get into any trouble. It ended up that this guy was molesting half a dozen girls in the tunnels, and they ended up meeting with the counselor on a regular basis (I excused myself from these meetings because I didn't think it was necessary I was there but the counselor was concerned that knowing it went on may have affected me). Anyways, my point is, there is only so much you can do with limited resources. It aggravates me when I know how much social services are needed and all people do is talk about how fraudulent they are and they can do things on their own and we should make major cuts. Those people more than likely grew up with many mute opportunities than the people where I grew up had and have no clue that areas desperately need government help and aren't getting it because of underfunding. Yes, you will always have fraud, but overhaul it and have more checks and balances.
DeleteMindy, you will go down in history as my friend that has lived through/had people close to her live through hell and back. I can understand the empathy for the kids. Shoot, throw everything at them, empathy, sympathy, whatever they want or need I'm willing to give them. Obviously, it's easy for me to sit here being raised in a completely different environment to have my opinions, but they are my opinions nonetheless. That being said, I still just cannot fathom the parents viewpoint on this. I can see the line of reasoning for not wanting to disrupt family ties, but as a parent I just don't understand it. I struggle to contain myself when even my nephews take toys from J, I would be ballistic if anything else happened to her--family member or not. I think most people have had at least one person close to them encounter some form of sexual abuse. It just sickens me to think about how common of an occurrence it is, and I agree that more money should be used to support services such as these. In the book, you can see the flaws of the system so well--they had a giant trash hole and the CPS guy never came back for a second visit? That's clearly not just a flawed individual, that's a flawed system. Until we have politicians that are willing to sacrifice their careers for what is truly right, these problems will always exist--and that can be seen in each and every one of the political parties, from the big 2 and down.
DeleteStill, as a parent, I don't understand not having the instinct to go after whoever hurts my child. I ESPECIALLY don't understand actually putting my child in that situation! Ugh, I went to the library today to find a new book. I told the ladies at the circulation desk that I had just finished this book and I needed my faith restored in humanity. They laughed and said they knew exactly what I was talking about. They described Wall as a "gritty" writer. I couldn't agree more! Apparently, she has a new fiction book coming out soon! I'm happy for her, but I'll have to think long and hard about reading it :)
P.s. I love love love having your perspective on this. I thought of you and your WV roots a time or two while I was reading it. Did I ever tell you my grandma was born in WV and spent a significant part of her childhood there? Hinton I think was the name of the town.
DeleteI can have sympathy for the perpetrators only because a lot of them, at least in the case back home, were abused as children. However, as studies have shown, child predators aren't rehabilitated. That being said, I say lock them up and never let them out or give them the death penalty to prevent more harm. Jordan and I have talked about Hunter going to sleepovers and how I can't stomach it if I don't know the family extremely well. Just because you go to church with them doesn't mean squat, as I have witnessed. I even drove myself to meet Jordan on our first couple dates just in case because I don't trust people that well. I will always be the overprotective parent. Oh, FYI-her house sounded a lot like mine growing up, which is completely normal. The house on the extreme makeover show that took place in WV was better than mine growing up and is actually an average home, and mine wasn't the worst house in the area. We had rats, mice, roaches, it was absolutely disgusting. There were parts of the floor where the only reason you didn't fall through was because the carpet held you up. We survived and learned valuable lessons--no matter how bad off you think you have it, someone always had it worse so be thankful for what you do have.
DeleteJoree, I read this and am from WV. Believe it or not, I could relate in some things (I had suppressed them and this brought memories back), like the leaky roof-my sister who also read the book was so mad that we weren't smart enough to put tarps up, and the oh so itchy army blankets, just to name a couple. And, what I didn't experience myself, I saw in the lives of my classmates sometimes. It wasnt that my parents were alcoholics or didn't work or were uneducated, but they were a social worker and a teacher who had 8 children and had difficulty saying no to people who needed help. I know the book is sad and infuriating, but if you grow up that way, it is normal for you and you have more empathy floor the situation.
ReplyDeleteThis book was so different from anything I have ever read. I really have a hard time hearing about sad things happening to children. The thing I found interesting was it was written from her perspective at the time it was happening, not the anger an adult would feel. I loved that her and her brother & sister ended up "making it" it in life.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more! She helped us see what it was like to go from ignorance to knowledge. I love when she talks about working at that newspaper and getting all the news coming in. She said something about how it was like she was finally getting the rest of the story. You always hear about people who think the police are out to get them and how they blackmail everyone--Walls helped me to bridge the gap from my understanding growing up to hers.
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