Womanhood

I've mentioned before how I am a little new to relishing in womanhood. I grew up with a "Girl Power" mom, who raised us to know that we could ALWAYS do whatever a boy/man could do. Sometimes I think I took that lesson a little too far and began to look down at the female sex--like most women were so weak, they didn't understand they could do anything a man could do.

The older I get, the more I start to take pride in being a woman! In our church, we have a woman's organization called Relief Society. We meet together for an hour on Sunday's to learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ together. I love learning and being able to share with one another from a woman's unique perspective.

Our particular Relief Society group meets once a month on Wednesday nights, in addition to Sundays, to have a "Mother Education Classes." Last night the class was on infertility, adoption, and family planning. Three ladies spoke about their various struggles with infertility and the paths that struggle has taken them down. Something that hit me was how varied each of their particular situations were. Each was caused by health problems, but each was extremely unique and different from one another. It's a wonder that anyone is ever able to have a baby!

I don't think it'd be my place to share each of their specific stories, since it is obviously such a personal struggle. However, I did want to share what I took away from last night. The biggest lesson was that we NEVER have any idea what other people are going through. If you looked at these ladies, you would see good-looking, well put together, successful, kind, service-oriented people. Your first thought would never come to the battle they have fought for multiple years, if not decades. My uncle always says, "If you go into a room with your problems in a bag, you'll look around that room and see what's in everyone else's bag, and you'll always walk out of that room with your own bag." It gave me a stronger resolve to be a little kinder to everyone I come in contact with. You never know the battle they are fighting and the struggle it took for that person to be standing in front of you at that moment.

Last night reminded me to slow down. This is something I am always trying to overcome. I often react to situations, instead of taking a step back and seeing the bigger picture or thinking about the repercussions of my actions. In this scenario, that means I often ask questions that are none of my business--"Do you guys know when you want to have another baby?" I shudder at how many times I have asked that in the last 6 months alone. It honestly was coming from a place of goodness and eagerness to make bonds with all of the new people I've been meeting. However, when held up to the experiences of these ladies, I obviously see the error in my ways. After their presentation I was talking with a few of the ladies and I realized that the best possible reaction to have when someone reveals their struggles is to have respectful honesty. What I mean by that is, you don't have to have some grand statement to get them through their struggle, a simple, "I'm so sorry" really does suffice. I find myself not wanting the other person to feel awkward and so I just. can't. stop. talking!

A few of them gave examples of off the cuff remarks they have received--"At least you won't gain weight" because of adoption, or "You're so lucky you get to sleep-in on Saturdays" because they have no kids. It's hard because, I can see how someone would say that without realize the repercussions of their statement, but I'm reminded of one of my very first posts (read at your own risk! That was a venting post from a very dark time in my life..yikes!) from long long ago--try to help the person in the situation, not yourself. What would they like to hear, what would help them? It goes against our natural being and it's hard! But obviously the right thing to do.

Lastly, one of the ladies shared something that I hope I will always remember. (I wish I could have just recorded how she said it, but here's the best I can do from memory!) She said that she used to always say, "This isn't fair, life isn't fair, why is this happening to me?" A friend of hers that dealt with infertility said to her, "Life isn't fair, and that is a miracle. It is because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ that life isn't fair. If it weren't for him, we would all have had to suffer on the cross for our sins, but he did it for  us. Thank goodness life isn't fair!"

This whole post was to tell you that I love being a woman! There is a bond with woman that cannot be described or duplicated by men. Sometimes I see women judging one another or battling over breastfeeding/bottlefeeding, co-sleeping, etc. and it makes me so sad! There's no need to compete with each other when we could all just use this bond to build one another up. The emotional bond we have is unreal and makes me so proud of who I am.

I Need Thee O I Need Thee

I need thee ev'ry hour,

Most gracious Lord.

No tender voice like thine

Can peace afford.

(Chorus)

I need thee, oh, I need thee;

Ev'ry hour I need thee!

Oh, bless me now, my Savior;

I come to thee!

I need thee ev'ry hour;

Stay thou nearby.

Temptations lose their pow'r

When thou art nigh.

I need thee ev'ry hour,

In joy or pain.

Come quickly and abide,

Or life is vain.

I need thee ev'ry hour,

Most holy One.

Oh, make me thine indeed,

Thou blessed Son!

Text: Annie S. Hawks, 1835-1918

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light. 

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Words: Dallan Forgail (8th Century)

The Great Mediator

While we were on vacation J got really sick. I'll spare you most of the gory details, but I will tell you she was a sad sight! As a result of some of her symptoms, she had a terrible diaper rash. When I went to the doctor for that and all of her other ailments, the pediatrician (trying to appease all of my fears) prescribed her an antibiotic that would hopefully work for all of her symptoms. The antibiotic, while helpful for her ear infection, resulted in some undesirable side effects that made her diaper rash worse. I could tell she was in so much pain! At first, I thought I needed to accept our circumstances and suffer through the trial. It was unfortunate, but what else could I do? However, the pain on her face was just too much to take! I finally called the doctor to see what kind of changes to her diet I could make, or anything else I could do, to ease the side effects of the medicine. He informed me of several steps I could take, but also prescribed a less drastic antibiotic that would hopefully still be as effective.

As I was reading my scriptures today, I was overcome with emotion as I began to think of Christ's role as The Great Mediator. I believe, like many other Christian faiths, that when we leave this life there will be a judgement. We will be held responsible for what we have done, both good and bad. Our Heavenly Father is a just God, but He is also a merciful God. Christ, having endured all things and with his perfect understanding, will be able to advocate for us. No one but Christ is perfect, he understands all that I have been through and all that I will go through. He knows me better than anyone else and, because of that, will be able to mediate between the demands of justice and mercy.

Obviously, I would never want to compare myself to Christ. He is perfect and I am for from it. However, while in this life, one of my roles is to advocate for my children. I don't know if I ever truly knew what it meant to be an advocate for someone until today. Today, Christ's role as the mediator and advocate became so real.

J can't speak for herself. She doesn't understand all that is going on, just like most of us don't have a perfect knowledge of why certain events happen in this life. No one knows her like I do and no one has gone through these experiences with her like I have. I was blessed to have found a doctor where I never had to 'fight' for J, but I did have to speak up. I had to find the balance between accepting the situation we were in (justice) and searching for a better solution (mercy).

I hate when I try to write and the words I know and use can't fully describe the feelings in my heart.  That's how I feel with this post. Hopefully it is somewhat coherent and you can grasp even a glimpse of what I'm trying to convey. I'm so glad we have a savior who knows my heart and understands me in spite of my weaknesses.

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