Womanhood

I've mentioned before how I am a little new to relishing in womanhood. I grew up with a "Girl Power" mom, who raised us to know that we could ALWAYS do whatever a boy/man could do. Sometimes I think I took that lesson a little too far and began to look down at the female sex--like most women were so weak, they didn't understand they could do anything a man could do.

The older I get, the more I start to take pride in being a woman! In our church, we have a woman's organization called Relief Society. We meet together for an hour on Sunday's to learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ together. I love learning and being able to share with one another from a woman's unique perspective.

Our particular Relief Society group meets once a month on Wednesday nights, in addition to Sundays, to have a "Mother Education Classes." Last night the class was on infertility, adoption, and family planning. Three ladies spoke about their various struggles with infertility and the paths that struggle has taken them down. Something that hit me was how varied each of their particular situations were. Each was caused by health problems, but each was extremely unique and different from one another. It's a wonder that anyone is ever able to have a baby!

I don't think it'd be my place to share each of their specific stories, since it is obviously such a personal struggle. However, I did want to share what I took away from last night. The biggest lesson was that we NEVER have any idea what other people are going through. If you looked at these ladies, you would see good-looking, well put together, successful, kind, service-oriented people. Your first thought would never come to the battle they have fought for multiple years, if not decades. My uncle always says, "If you go into a room with your problems in a bag, you'll look around that room and see what's in everyone else's bag, and you'll always walk out of that room with your own bag." It gave me a stronger resolve to be a little kinder to everyone I come in contact with. You never know the battle they are fighting and the struggle it took for that person to be standing in front of you at that moment.

Last night reminded me to slow down. This is something I am always trying to overcome. I often react to situations, instead of taking a step back and seeing the bigger picture or thinking about the repercussions of my actions. In this scenario, that means I often ask questions that are none of my business--"Do you guys know when you want to have another baby?" I shudder at how many times I have asked that in the last 6 months alone. It honestly was coming from a place of goodness and eagerness to make bonds with all of the new people I've been meeting. However, when held up to the experiences of these ladies, I obviously see the error in my ways. After their presentation I was talking with a few of the ladies and I realized that the best possible reaction to have when someone reveals their struggles is to have respectful honesty. What I mean by that is, you don't have to have some grand statement to get them through their struggle, a simple, "I'm so sorry" really does suffice. I find myself not wanting the other person to feel awkward and so I just. can't. stop. talking!

A few of them gave examples of off the cuff remarks they have received--"At least you won't gain weight" because of adoption, or "You're so lucky you get to sleep-in on Saturdays" because they have no kids. It's hard because, I can see how someone would say that without realize the repercussions of their statement, but I'm reminded of one of my very first posts (read at your own risk! That was a venting post from a very dark time in my life..yikes!) from long long ago--try to help the person in the situation, not yourself. What would they like to hear, what would help them? It goes against our natural being and it's hard! But obviously the right thing to do.

Lastly, one of the ladies shared something that I hope I will always remember. (I wish I could have just recorded how she said it, but here's the best I can do from memory!) She said that she used to always say, "This isn't fair, life isn't fair, why is this happening to me?" A friend of hers that dealt with infertility said to her, "Life isn't fair, and that is a miracle. It is because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ that life isn't fair. If it weren't for him, we would all have had to suffer on the cross for our sins, but he did it for  us. Thank goodness life isn't fair!"

This whole post was to tell you that I love being a woman! There is a bond with woman that cannot be described or duplicated by men. Sometimes I see women judging one another or battling over breastfeeding/bottlefeeding, co-sleeping, etc. and it makes me so sad! There's no need to compete with each other when we could all just use this bond to build one another up. The emotional bond we have is unreal and makes me so proud of who I am.

I Need Thee O I Need Thee

I need thee ev'ry hour,

Most gracious Lord.

No tender voice like thine

Can peace afford.

(Chorus)

I need thee, oh, I need thee;

Ev'ry hour I need thee!

Oh, bless me now, my Savior;

I come to thee!

I need thee ev'ry hour;

Stay thou nearby.

Temptations lose their pow'r

When thou art nigh.

I need thee ev'ry hour,

In joy or pain.

Come quickly and abide,

Or life is vain.

I need thee ev'ry hour,

Most holy One.

Oh, make me thine indeed,

Thou blessed Son!

Text: Annie S. Hawks, 1835-1918

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light. 

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Words: Dallan Forgail (8th Century)

Daily Bread

This morning, I woke up and tended to the important business of catching up on all the blogs I like to read. Blog after blog continued to talk about fall and how it was quickly approaching, or in some places, beginning to show its early signs. That must have stuck with me subconsciously as I got dressed. I put on a pair of jeans, rolled them into capris, put on my black camisole with a shirt over it, got J dressed in roughly the same type of clothes, walked outside (sans the usual water bottles), and DIED of heat! Fall may be coming, but not any time soon in the Midwest! We are still very much so in the summer temps--at least for this Alaskan girl!

Hello, friends! I'm hoping to start blogging more regularly now that summer is, kind of, winding down. Way too much has happened to try to catch up, so I'll just start with now and we'll all have to wait and see if catching up is really in the cards.

***

I wanted to share a few videos I came across that really spoke to my soul this morning. We've been going through some trials lately that I honestly never saw coming--which I guess is the case with most trials in life. I'm one of those pretty cold hearted and, most likely, emotionally stunted people that can basically turn off emotions when I reach my breaking point. For example, before I got married, I never really had break ups that destroyed me because my usual pattern would go something like this: initial break up, dramatic crying/my life is over, I start to get annoyed with myself and all the emotions, decide I'm over it, cut said person out of my life, and move on.  It's not a very admirable quality, and I always thought it would come and bite me in the butt at some point--but I've been going a good 26+ years in this way and so far so good. (Good meaning I haven't gone crazy in a grocery store when seeing a loaf of bread triggered all past emotions I never dealt with properly.)

Anyways, I sort of reached my peak of emotions in the past couple days and have drifted into the "I'm over it" stage. Which really means I'm starting to accept my situation and give up on all of my previous desires. Unfortunately, this scenario isn't one where I get to just "cut people out" and "move on." I know I'm running the risk of being one of those annoying people that talks about a problem, but doesn't actually tell you what the problem is. All that ambiguity just really gets under my skins sometimes, so I'll move on.

Today I came across these videos and they helped me remember what's important. I had previously reached a point in this trial where I knew I needed to renew my efforts in doing the "little things" like this first video talks about. 

This second video describes what happened to me this morning. I woke up with a renewed hope. I don't know why the timing was the way it was, but I woke up and I suddenly cared again. I know that I carried this burden for as long as I could, and now Christ and the Atonement are making up the difference. I'm moving forward in the way that I know I need to because I know that Christ is carrying me the rest of the way. I'm exhausted emotionally! Let me tell you what! But I have hope again, which hasn't been present for a few weeks. I like how he talks about how it doesn't mean we know when it will work out--there's no time frame given--we just know that day by day it will work out. Eventually we'll see the end. Right now, I can still feel that I'm in the thick of this trial. I haven't had the sense that the burden has been completely lifted, but I do have the sense that at some point it will be over and I'll survive and be better off because of it--just like all of the other trials before this one.

Then here's the last one in the series. Also, very good.

If you're interested in knowing a little bit more about who Elder Christofferson is.

Book Review: The Glass Castle

This book was recommended to me by my friend, Megan, after I had mentioned in my last book review how I'm so interested in family dynamics.

The Glass Castle is a book of memoirs written by Jeannette Walls. Her family is essentially a bunch of nomads, traveling around the U.S. dodging bill collectors. Any time a situation got a little harry or her dad got sick of working, the family would up and move. I'll be honest, this book was a lot to handle at moments. I had to keep reminding myself that this was actually a set of memoirs and that I had found it in the "Non-fiction" section of my library. "No way this could happen in real life!" or "No way people like this actually exist!" were the thoughts that continually kept creeping back into my mind. I had to convince myself to keep reading a few times because it is too hard for me to hear about awful things happening to children. I've mentioned before, becoming a mother made a new kind of heartache arise in me every time something bad happens to a child. I can't watch Law and Order: SVU anymore because it's just too much! 

I felt myself getting physically mad--no, not mad--livid/furious/irate over many of the responses the parents had to Jeannette and her siblings. The situations the parents put them in, the way the children were treated,  the fact that more often than not, the kids were more responsible than the parents, drove me up the wall! 

It brought me right back to when I was a teacher. I remember one student that came to me with a drop-out form. "What's this?" I asked him. "It's a form you have to sign so I can drop out." "But you're a senior, you literally have 6 months until you can graduate. Why don't you just stick it out until graduation?" "Because my parents disowned me and I have to work so I can eat and pay bills." AHHHHHH! If I could have told him everything I was thinking I would have told him, "You'll never go back for your GED like you think you will. It's not that you can't or don't have the intellect or intelligence to do so, it's because GEDs are expensive and quite frankly, not even close to the same as a high school diploma. Also, you're parents suck! That's right, I said suck! You only get to be a kid once and they stole that from you. They literally stole some of the most precious memories you will ever have right out from under you. The saddest part is that you will probably never fully understand what you missed out on! The amount of wasted potential that is balled up inside of you makes me want to cry, real tears of sorrow because you and I have come so far since you called me a 'bitch' the first month of school. I had big hopes and dreams of showing you just how awesome you could be! But instead, you're going to quit. Again and again and again, you're going to quit. Because your parents suck!"

But teachers don't get to say things like that. Especially not new teachers that haven't reached tenure yet. So instead I told him I wouldn't sign it. If he was going to drop-out, I didn't want any part of that. Then I learned I had to sign it. So I did. It makes me sick just thinking about it.

So yeah, it hurts me when bad things happen to children. The one thing that kept me going was that I knew the ending. I didn't actually know the ending, but being around kids enough, you start to get the sense about the ones that rise above. The ones that say, "screw you" to all the garbage their parents had filled them with and decide to find out what the world is really like for themselves. The book was written so well that I knew Jeannette had been one of those kids that rose above her parents and her upbringing. 

Just thinking about this has got me all fired up again! It was a book filled with raw emotion. If you want a book that will make you feel, this book delivers.

How to Praise Your Kids

I mentioned a few days ago my secret love of Dr. Laura. The second post I wanted to tell you about was one on how to give praise to your kids.

I love how she talks about giving "process praise." This has really opened my eyes to the way I praise J. I want my child to be a productive member of society some day. I want her to add to her surroundings and offer something to those she comes in contact with. I try not to think about how much influence I have in messing her up, for reals! It seems like anyone I've ever known that goes to therapy, the number one influence in 'why they are the way they are' is because of their parents. No pressure or anything though! ...Yikes!

I know that one weakness/strength I have in life is that I thrive on completing a task. If you were to give me a rubik's cube, I would be the kid that peeled off all of the stickers and put them back on in their segregated order. At the very least, I would look up how to do a rubik's cube on line, solve the stupid thing, and move on with life. I am not the person that finds the 'joy in journey' with tasks like those. This characteristic can be seen as a flaw because I was always so focused on the end result that I didn't develop the critical thinking skills that are so useful in life.

I remember when I was a teenager, I joined a soccer team with a new coach. I didn't know him and he didn't know me. When we went into our first tournament together, I worked my butt off to prove to him that I deserved to be on the team. He noticed and was impressed. That particular tournament gave an award to one player on each team--chosen by the coach. He chose to give me the award. From that point on I don't think I ever worked as hard for him as I did before he gave me that award. I had received his approval, accomplished my goal, and wiped my hands clean of the whole process. Obviously, as I got older I began to realize you have to keep working hard, but this is a good raw example of what can happen when kids are only focused on the end result. (I should add, I don't see how this characteristic of mine has anything to do with my parents and how they raised me. Love you, mom!)

With “process praise” – you’re commenting on their diligence and persistence.  According to a study from the University of Chicago, kids are more likely to prefer challenging tasks and believe that intelligence and personality can improve with effort than youngsters who simply hear praise directed at them personally.  It sends the message that effort and actions are the sources of success and your approval.  If you’re impressed by their effort, kids will put in more effort.  If you just say, “You’re very good at this,” that’s it – they stay at that level. They won’t try harder because they figure that they have already reached the pinnacle. 
By praising the process, actions, and strategies (e.g. “I’m impressed that you did your best and worked hard to stick with it”), kids try to do better and better to impress you and themselves.

I've been trying really hard to re-learn and adjust the way I praise J. When we come home after running errands, she's learned that she has to take her shoes and coat off and put them away before she can play. Instead of only praising her for when she puts her coat in the closet, I also praise the way she stuck with putting her coat in the closet even when it kept getting caught on the door frame. It really is a challenge to think of how to rephrase your praises, but I'm hoping it will pay off! Either way, I'm sure she's not going to end up some criminal...at least I don't think so...?

NO BODY that starts off that cute can be a criminal, amIright?

Possibly, this could, though! :)

Dating for moms

My sister showed me this post about how making friends as a mom is a lot like dating. She breaks it down into the different "bases of mom dating." I straight snort laughed several times throughout the post! Here are a few of my favorite lines:

I go too deep too soon, which scares off a mom just asking how many kids do I have.  ”Do you mean in my home, or in orphanages around the world?  Here locally, or in a village in Uganda?  Have you ever considered sponsoring a child?  Wait, where are you going?  Wanna hear about malaria and deworming?”

Overly-intense eye contact.  Never use while discussing homeschooling, gluten, gun control, breastfeeding, marriage, red dye number 40, infertility, or Jesus.  I may have left a few things out.  If there’s a subject that might cause you to stop blinking and/or breathing, save it for fourth base and don’t unleash it at the park.

Third base is a play date at one of our houses.  This is a tricky base because your kids are now on home court and your new friend is going to see your daughter body slam her toddler to the ground and take back the toy that he just picked up.
-Have I told you about the time when we had people over to our house a few weeks ago and J chucked her sippy cup right into their daughters forehead leaving a nice goose-egg. So there's that. 

By third base, I’m full frontal hugging, so prepare for that.  If you’re my third base friend, get ready for our boobs smashed up together while I ask how you’re doing right in your ear.  If you answer that with any kind of trauma, I’m a-gonna pull it right back together for another mash up, breathe some words of encouragement into your ear, then pull back for some heavy eye contact.  (Upon reading this, my husband informed me, “Who are you kidding?  You’re easy.  You go for full frontal hugging on first base.”  So I’m a hug-slut.  Bring it in, ladies.  I’m ready.
-Joree here, just re-reading this made me go into a snort-laugh-fit (I think I may TM that one, SLF?...go with it). It's especially funny because I'm not a big hugger, but I think I secretly want to be? I think this is a product of being one of the younger children in the family. My parents were soft by the time it got to my younger brother and I. Hugging. Lots and lots of hugging at our house. J will in fact be the weirdest child wherever she goes because even mentioning the word "sorry" around her makes her slobber kiss the closest persons face off. Embrace the awkward! One last one regarding 'Fourth Base'...

Feel free to bust out your full-blown honk laugh, talk about how soy gives you diarrhea, and how you worry that you’re a crappy mom.  You’ve found your person.  She loves you for you.

This was so timely because today J and I went to the library for the reading time they have there. Except, I'm a lame mom and didn't realize that the reading time was no longer going on. Whoops! Anyways, we went to play with the puzzles they have up in their children's section and I saw another mom I had seen at story time. She sat down at the table with J and I, and I shocked myself by openly asking about herself and her cute little boy. And then, it happened. My awkwardness could only be tamed for so long. I was lost in thought debating what I wanted to ask her next, so lost that I just stopped talking and didn't ask her any follow-ups on her recent home birth experience. Eventually, her little boy got restless and they just left. So. Weird. Bahaha, sometimes I just have to laugh at the awkwardness. One thing is certain, the awkwardness will always be here. Now, if I could only learn how to tame it for extended periods of time!

Since yesterday, simple changes

My friend, Megan, told me about this awesome website called 100 Days of Real Food. It goes right along with what I'm trying to do, so I thought I'd share for anyone else that might be interested. What I particularly loved were her rules. Like I said yesterday, this can be so overwhelming! But her rules really help break down the process and make it seem less scary. I wish we lived in a warmer place where we had Farmer's Markets year round. I did have a friend tell me that between our town and the surrounding towns, there is a different Farmer's Market just about everyday in the summer! Just one more reason for me to look forward to the summer time!!

This is all a process for me, trying to decide what changes will work for our family and what changes won't. I liked the way 100 Days talks about eating locally. As I've been researching more and more about what exactly are 'organic' foods, I've found some interesting information. This first one is from the FDA's website.

Confusing Claims

The terms "natural," "healthy," and "organic" often cause confusion. "Consumers seem to think that 'natural' and 'organic' imply 'healthy,'" says Schneeman. "But these terms have different meanings from a regulatory point of view."

According to FDA policy, "natural" means the product does not contain synthetic or artificial ingredients. "Healthy," which is defined by regulation, means the product must meet certain criteria that limit the amounts of fat, saturated fat, cholesterol, and sodium, and require specific minimum amounts of vitamins, minerals, or other beneficial nutrients.

Food labeled "organic" must meet the standards set by the Department of Agriculture (USDA). Organic food differs from conventionally produced food in the way it is grown or produced. But USDA makes no claims that organically produced food is safer or more nutritious than conventionally produced food.

For example, says Schneeman, "A premium ice cream could be 'natural' or 'organic' and still be high in fat or saturated fat, so would not meet the criteria for 'healthy.'"

I followed up to find this from the USDA's website because a friend had told me that not all foods that are labeled 'organic' are actually organic. To me it seems like they need to be unless the farmer sells less than $5,000 worth of product. Anyone else ever heard of this claim?

Anyways, once the Farmer's Markets start, I'm hoping to buy my produce there because the fresher the food the more nutrient dense the product is. Until then, I'll have to just trust the labels at the store!

Fun fact: a fact that always stuck with me from my Nutrition 100 class in college was how frozen fruit and vegetables are often more nutrient dense than fresh fruits and vegetables. This is because a lot of fresh produce must be picked before it is completely ripe in order to avoid spoiling before it gets to the store. Frozen produce has the opportunity to develop all the way without having to worry about spoiling since it will be frozen. So don't forget about your friends in the frozen section!

Another interesting tid bit from the 100 Days website. She talks about looking at the food ingredients a lot, not to be confused with the food's nutrition label. One thing that really stood out to me was when she talked about bread.

"...what I bought for my husband from the grocery store was what I thought was whole-wheat bread. When we finally checked the ingredients and found 40 different items on the list, including white flour and sugar, we decided it was time for a change. Why would there be so many on the list if it only takes a handful of ingredients to make bread? ... honey whole-wheat loaf only has five ingredients – whole-wheat flour, water, yeast, salt and honey."

Now I've never been a real "ace" in the kitchen (just ask my mom) so I've truthfully never made real bread before. For some reason, anything involving 'yeast' is just scary to me. But when she states the small amount of ingredients that you need to make bread, and what all actually comes in bread, I was floored! I had never even thought about it. So of course I went straight to our pantry to look at our bread.

I just so happened to have bought Costco's Organic bread this week! I had never even noticed the Organic Symbol until I read about it on the USDA's website, but there she blows in all her green and white organic glory. While everything seems pretty normal in the ingredients, I think I might try to make our own bread. K just about died when I told him that :). Anybody have any good tips for a first time bread maker?

So that's where we are today. I'm going to shoot for organic/natural/locally grown produce in the coming weeks and attempt to make bread at some point. It's hard because our pantry is stocked FULL of all the foods I'm trying to get away from. Being the cheap frugal people that we are, I'm going to have to just transition as I go.

I do want to throw this out there: if I was working, there is no way in heck I'd consider doing a lot of this. It's so important to remember to just do the best you can. When I worked, I never would have had enough time to read ingredients, let alone, to try and make bread. (Note: I will probably fail big time at this...the key word is TRY and make bread!) This blog is all about the process of having a more balanced and healthy life.

A lifestyle change

If you are friends with me on Facebook, than you might have seen that K and I are trying to make some pretty significant lifestyle changes. I want to start altering the types of foods we buy. I'm still trying to sift through how far I want to take this and my own personal feelings on the matter. Lucky for you, you get to read my thought process!

I've always thought eating organically was for the hippies (haha). I know, I'm an anomaly in the blogging world. (Don't even get me started on all the oils and stuff that people are putting on their new born babies.) My SIL asked the other day what got me started thinking about making the change and I couldn't put my finger on one specific incident. As I was reflecting on it more today I started to realize that this had been a long time coming, little tid bits I'd hear from different places all began to build up in my psyche. Then, a few days ago, I was watching one of my guilty pleasure reality TV shows. This girl was talking about infertility and how it seems like so many more women are dealing with infertility now days than ever before. She mentioned how she wondered if it had something to do with the food we eat and all of the chemicals and hormones that are injected into them. That really stuck with me. I've never had to deal with infertility, but from what I know about it...it just sucks! There's no other way to put it.  Who knows, maybe we hear more about infertility issues now because most people are starting to have children later on in life or because we are just a lot more open in our society to talk about feelings and deeper subjects now. Either way, you can't help but wonder if it does play some minor role in these types of cases.

As a Health teacher, I know what I should be eating. I would say, compared to the average American, we do a fine job. We eat red meat sparingly, we have a vegetable or fruit with every meal, we don't drink a ton of soda, when we have beef or bacon it is always turkey alternatives, we try to drink a lot of water each day, we eat low fat dairy products (except J who still drinks whole milk) and I don't buy a ton of candy or anything like that (sometimes your health benefits from being cheap). I even stopped buying chicken breasts awhile ago when I took a look at the chicken breasts we bought and realized I'd never seen a chicken that big in my life! We still eat a lot of chicken, but I like to stick to the tenderloins because it just seems more natural? That isn't scientific based in any way, but I felt better about it. It's certainly a lot less fatty than the breast we had been buying before.

As a Health teacher, I know the importance of quality selections from each food group. I'm not interested in any fad diets or trends. We aren't trying to lose weight, we are trying to make healthy, long-lasting, lifestyle changes. Several of my friends recommended the Paleo diet. I've only researched it a little bit because, from what I've seen, it just isn't practical for our family. There's no way I could cut out all dairy or wheat or beans. I could if we needed to, but I don't want to. There are many health benefits from dairy, wheat, and beans--as long as you're eating the right kinds. It's a great option for many people, but just doesn't meet all of our needs.

My SIL gave me some great advice about not trying to change everything right at once. It really is just so overwhelming! So we are going to start this week by buying organic fruits and vegetables. We've talked about getting a juicer, but I read they can be a pain to clean. Also, we still live in an apartment, I'm not sure we could fit another appliance in this joint! Right now we've just been buying the Naked smoothies and I really like them so far! I think our next step will be to find farm fed meat. I have no idea how expensive that is (Does anyone know?) or if you can even buy that in a local grocery store (Anyone? Anyone?), but I'll find out next week! I also want to start collecting healthier recipeces. I was noticing at the store this week that many of our recipes call for cheese---like, we eat a ton of cheese! I think there is a place for cheese, but not in almost every dinner--that seems a bit much!

Does anyone have any great sites, blogs, books, thoughts, or opinions on any of this? I really would like to stick to research based information because there is just too much propaganda and hoopla mixed in with this subject. Bahaha, hoopla, never thought I'd type that word out.

The Corners of My Heart

I promise, someday I'll get back to some of the other reasons I started this blog, but the Spiritual Health side of my life has just been in the forefront of my mind. It seems that's the way it is when we are going through big changes.

During the 7 Days of Easter, I went looking for this talk, but came across this one along the way. If you don't want to read or listen to it, he talks about how there is a lot of bad in the world, but we have the power to leave that bad behind (for the most part). The talk is entitled, "Place No More for the Enemy of My Soul." The title alone fills me with such power and strength.

One of the reasons I chose to teach in the Health Science field was because I wanted teenagers to understand that their quality of life came down to their choices. A lot of times in high school, I felt like some of my friends got drunk and performed other harmful behaviors was because they felt like that was what they were supposed to do--we were teenagers, that's what the world expected of us. Because I had been raised to not drink or sleep around, I realized I had a choice in the matter. I chose not to do those things.

The other day at church, this lady was teaching the Sunday School lesson and she talked about how she (and all of us) hold on to certain rebellions and tuck them away into the deep corners of our hearts. We're unwilling to sacrifice them, even though we know the happiness of righteousness will bring so much greater joy than any rebellious act could. Some people may scoff at the words 'rebellion' or 'sin', thinking that they don't correlate with happiness. However, in my life, I've always seen a direct correlation between the choices I made and my happiness. I've never had to deal with the misery that is associated with addictions or the heartache and stress that comes from deciding to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. I'm not saying anyone is a bad person because of these acts or that I'm a better person because I haven't dealt with them. I'm just saying that sometimes, as adults, we forget that the choices we make do have  an affect on our happiness.

The teacher's comment made me think about what I have tucked away in the corners of my heart. What am I unwilling to give up--despite the happiness that would come by doing so. Sometimes, we preach and preach about certain aspects of life, but we really need to take a deeper look at what's happening in our own. What's stopping us from achieving our maximum level of happiness?

I came across this graphic on Facebook today, and I loved it's simplicity. Happiness and positivity really can be quite simple to achieve, but what choices are we willing to make to achieve them?

What's been happenin' / Menu 4/1

You may have noticed, I haven't been doing Weekly Goals lately. This move has really taken the wind out of my sails. I've had the hardest time getting a routine going that I like and can stick to. The thought of having weekly goals has become too much (sad, but true). Lately we've been taking it one day at a time. Sometimes, that's just the way life goes.

To make matters worse, J has been sick since last Thursday. Since I am passionate about not letting my kid go to public places where other kids will be when she is sick, I haven't been to the gym since last Thursday either. Basically, I've been a hormonal nut job without my much needed endorphins. Last night I went totally loco on K. When I freaked out over nothing, I thought, "Where did that come from?" Do you ever have those out-of-body-arguments where you know the entire time that you are wrong and have absolutely no idea why you're continuing on in your quest for right-ness? Yep, that was last night. So tonight, as a peace offering, I'm going to admit my wrong and go to the gym. That sort of seems like a backwards peace offering, but K will understand and accept it gladly. That's what we call "a peace offering on a budget!"

While my life may be crazy everywhere else, I have loved still putting up our weekly menus. It makes me feel like I still have my life together...even if it is only in one small area! It really is all about the little things!

Ham sliders

Baked Creamy Chicken Taquitos 

I'm excited about this one!

Twice Baked Potatoes
Remember a few months ago when I said I was going to do this. Yeah, I never did. I did find this new recipe, though. So, hopefully, I'll be giving this a try at some point this week.

Tostadas
-Hard shell corn tortilla, refried beans, lettuce, salsa, cheese, sour cream, green sauce, other stuff. Sometimes we throw nacho cheese on it if we're feeling up to it.

Beef Noodle Casserole

Tilapia marinated in Sun-Dried Tomato dressing, on George Formen, with cheese melted on top, and random spices thrown over it. Basically I loved this recipe and will recreate it with what I have on hand.

Pizza Night
The local grocery store here has a pretty decent generic pizza dough. You can't beat an entire pizza for $3.00!

I'm acca-awkward

I just need to give a big shout out to the good ole' Midwest! This has honestly been the friendliest place we have every moved to. Already, I have been invited to the library twice for a toddlers reading group, J and I were invited to an Easter Egg Hunt, was invited to a craft group (couldn't go, but the offer was still extended), we've been invited over for dinner twice, and just last night I was invited to a girl's night for Saturday! None of that has ever happened anywhere else we have lived. I am feeling really blessed right now.

She was a little overwhelmed...

But she eventually got the hang of it! She was all in once she figured out there was candy inside the eggs!

I'm the type of person that likes details. I like to picture how an event will go and sort of prepare myself for it. For example, when K and I were dating, he would tell me what restaurant we'd be going to and my roommates and I would look up the menu. (Please don't stop being my friend because of this!) While I admit, that's a bit extreme, I just like to know what to expect about situations. I'm also extremely indecisive, so it's better for everyone around me if I prepare. 

Last night when I got the text inviting me to the Girl's Night, I felt like a creep. I accepted the invitation and then proceeded to ask all the details...where is the restaurant, what time should I meet you, etc. When I type out the questions right there it doesn't seem so awkward, but last night it really did. In the past, this is something I might dwell on and be very embarrassed about. While it is still very fresh, I've decided to not let myself over analyze these situations. If it bothers people that I like to know details, then this is a good time to figure out that we aren't very compatible as friends. 

In short, I'm just going to let my 'Freak Flag' fly and if people aren't down with that, that's okay! I think a major part of my self-discover is just accepting who I am and being okay with it! It's okay if not everyone wants to be my best friend. 

Are you a details person? A planner?

Do you over analyze situations? How do you get over it?

I'll be honest, sometimes I have to pray to let it go haha. I'm better now, but it used to just eat me up when I did something stupid.

Be a "Girls' Girl"

The other day I was reading some celebrity gossip column (no shame in admitting a little interest in pop culture). This lady was saying how she didn't like Angelina Jolie because she wasn't a "girls' girl" and this individual was all about "girls' girls." That comment really stood out and stuck with me.

Growing up I always had way more guys as friends than I did girls. I contribute a lot of that to the fact that my major interests all revolved around sports, my greatest childhood friend was my younger brother, and I was just never that into the drama that was usually associated with girls. The girlfriends I did have, I realize now, I wasn't always a very good friend to. I was always so hypersensitive about everything they did or didn't do to/for me. I had one guy friend that would describe me as "very chill," but I doubt any of my girlfriends would say the same. While I was fiercely loyal, I always just wanted one very best friend, and I could careless about anyone else. 

 

This attribute was fine growing up, and even in my first year of college when I continued my habits. However, this tendency began to really backfire on me when the guy friends I had left on their LDS missions the next year, and the girlfriends I did have, all got boyfriends. 

 I was so lonely. I prayed and prayed that God would send me a friend. He sent me K. While K and I dated and into our first few years of marriage, I only noticed my lack of girlfriends occassionally. We were totally that annoying married couple that just hung out with each other. If we did hang out with others, it was always K's friends that he had had since high school. Yet again, I found myself the only girl in the situation and sticking to my old habits of only one good friend.

A. Lot. Of. Selfies. haha, that should have been a sign!

As I started my teaching career, I made a few girlfriends that also taught at my school. In retrospect, they created the friendship more than I did. It was a combination of lack of effort and just getting used to not having a ton of friends. I wasn't some hermit. I talked to people at work and church, and I had K when I wasn't at either of those two places. Even still, not a lot of people to feel a feminine bond with. I began to really see how disastrous these habits were when I became a mom. You NEED other woman who can relate and understand the struggles you go through as a woman and mother (the recovery after childbirth? Why doesn't society talk about that more--I felt blindsided!). There are so many things that men just don't understand. I realized that, while I might not have always been a "girls' girl" in the past, motherhood had thrown me into that category--and I was quite happy and relieved to be there.

As we've moved to Chicago, I'm finding myself in an all too familiar 'girlfriendless' territory. The beauty of this situation, however, is that I have a real chance to turn my circumstances around. I really could have always turned my circumstances around, it just would have been a lot harder and taken a lot more effort. I'm determined to not let this opportunity slip me by. We've been so blessed to have had a lot of people be so open and friendly to us already. (Side note: people that aren't LDS, how on earth do you meet new people when you move into town? Especially if you have kids, so it's not like you're going to the bars or anything every night.) 

This was such an important part in my self-discovery. I acknowledge the mistakes I've made with friendships in the past. I hope, as I cultivate new friendships here in Chicago, that I can be relaxed--anything anyone does for me is a bonus. In the past, I always had such ridiculous expectations for my friends to live up to. It took me getting married to start to realize that I can't expect people to read my mind. 

Who you will be friends with is always a mystery, so I need to give everyone a fair chance. In the past (so painful to admit this, but remember, I'm here to be real), I was so eager to get to the deep ties that bind friendships together that I thought I could weed out people based on comments made in large group settings, clothes they wore, amount of make-up applied, etc. It's not that I'm shallow and hold these aspects in high regard, I just figured it was a way to fast track the process. 

Finally, it's so important to have friends. In the really dark moments when my friends all had boyfriends and I felt really alone, I thought that it didn't matter. I didn't need close friends and could get by with just boyfriends or aquantances. That is so not the case! I can go the gym by myself, but it was so much more fun when I went with my sister, in Seattle. It's not that we always talked a lot while we were there or did the exact same workouts--it was about the companionship. I realize now that you need a variety of friends that can enrich your life in different ways. Going about life alone can be easier at times, but it's so not worth it. Friendship and companionship are worth the trouble!

When I've talked about this in the past, with other women, they always say "me too!" What the heck is wrong with us? Why do woman do this to ourselves?

What do you feel is your greatest attribute as a friend (this is your moment to brag, let it out)? What is something you want to work on as a friend?

Girls' Girl vs. Guys Girls...thoughts?

Anything else you want to say about it!

Discovering who I am

In the past several months I've been giving a lot of thought to the question, "Who am I?" It seems that giving up my career and becoming a stay at home mom (SAHM) has given me the chance to reflect on who I was in the past and who I want to be in the future.

The other day I was talking to Sister #1 about being bored. She had read an article about how it can be good for your children to be bored because it causes them to use their creativity and imagination to entertain themselves. If you're a SAHM, you're probably thinking, "Rarely am I bored." I would agree 100% with that sentiment, however, I definitely have more opportunities as a SAHM to think. When I was a teacher (Medical Anatomy and Physiology, Medical Terminology, Health, and Introduction to Health Science) my days would consist of faculty meetings, teaching, planning, grading, emailing, calling home, meetings with the HOSA club I sponsored, K would drop J off to me at work at the end of the day, J and I would stay after school to grade and help students with their work, we'd go home, clean, cook dinner, eat, go to bed. Not a lot of time for deep observations on my life.

It seems at various stages of my life, I've always had some outside force as my identifying characteristic. When I was in high school I was either "the soccer player" or "the mormon" and as an adult I was "a teacher." While I can still be identified as "a mom," there is a lot more room in my life for further exploration of interests. It's actually very exciting! However, there has been more than one occasion when I've thought to myself, "What the heck do I even like?" or "Do I have an opinion on that?" I honestly just never had or took the time in the past to consider these questions.

One of the reasons I started blogging was because I wanted to document this journey as I sift through my emotions, thoughts, and feelings to determine who I am. I want to have a dynamic life where I have many interests, but most of all, I want to feel like I am actually living my life. What a waste to just get up every morning and go through the motions. I don't believe that's why we're here. I feel we are here on this earth to have experiences, to gain knowledge, and help others.

Here is what I know so far:

I am a disciple of Christ. I sincerely want to live my life as he did. I feel like shaping my life after the pattern that Christ set for us will lead us to eternal happiness.

I am a wife. I've been blessed with a husband that cares about our relationship and our family unit. I want to be better at being a wife.

I am a mom. I take being a mother very seriously, but not too seriously, because this kid needs to have fun too! Recently I've started following C. Jane Kendrick's blog. I don't always see eye-to-eye with her views, but I do like the way she makes me think about my beliefs. I have a few posts coming up on some of those experiences.

I love the human body. I'm hoping to get back into researching and sharing the different aspects of the human body that both amaze and confuse me! One aspect of being a SAHM that worried me is that I didn't want to be someone that could only talk about my kids. I want to continue to learn and grow, this is the major area I want to do that in. Someday I will go back to teaching, I'm hoping that transition can be as painless as possible.

Is anyone else/has anyone else had the feeling you weren't sure who you were? What process did/are you going through with it?

Tell me your thoughts on the subject--the good, the bad, and the ugly!

And, because we haven't had pictures in awhile:

J photo-documented one of many trips we took to Ikea. You're welcome.