I Need Thee O I Need Thee

I need thee ev'ry hour,

Most gracious Lord.

No tender voice like thine

Can peace afford.

(Chorus)

I need thee, oh, I need thee;

Ev'ry hour I need thee!

Oh, bless me now, my Savior;

I come to thee!

I need thee ev'ry hour;

Stay thou nearby.

Temptations lose their pow'r

When thou art nigh.

I need thee ev'ry hour,

In joy or pain.

Come quickly and abide,

Or life is vain.

I need thee ev'ry hour,

Most holy One.

Oh, make me thine indeed,

Thou blessed Son!

Text: Annie S. Hawks, 1835-1918

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light. 

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Words: Dallan Forgail (8th Century)

Daily Bread

This morning, I woke up and tended to the important business of catching up on all the blogs I like to read. Blog after blog continued to talk about fall and how it was quickly approaching, or in some places, beginning to show its early signs. That must have stuck with me subconsciously as I got dressed. I put on a pair of jeans, rolled them into capris, put on my black camisole with a shirt over it, got J dressed in roughly the same type of clothes, walked outside (sans the usual water bottles), and DIED of heat! Fall may be coming, but not any time soon in the Midwest! We are still very much so in the summer temps--at least for this Alaskan girl!

Hello, friends! I'm hoping to start blogging more regularly now that summer is, kind of, winding down. Way too much has happened to try to catch up, so I'll just start with now and we'll all have to wait and see if catching up is really in the cards.

***

I wanted to share a few videos I came across that really spoke to my soul this morning. We've been going through some trials lately that I honestly never saw coming--which I guess is the case with most trials in life. I'm one of those pretty cold hearted and, most likely, emotionally stunted people that can basically turn off emotions when I reach my breaking point. For example, before I got married, I never really had break ups that destroyed me because my usual pattern would go something like this: initial break up, dramatic crying/my life is over, I start to get annoyed with myself and all the emotions, decide I'm over it, cut said person out of my life, and move on.  It's not a very admirable quality, and I always thought it would come and bite me in the butt at some point--but I've been going a good 26+ years in this way and so far so good. (Good meaning I haven't gone crazy in a grocery store when seeing a loaf of bread triggered all past emotions I never dealt with properly.)

Anyways, I sort of reached my peak of emotions in the past couple days and have drifted into the "I'm over it" stage. Which really means I'm starting to accept my situation and give up on all of my previous desires. Unfortunately, this scenario isn't one where I get to just "cut people out" and "move on." I know I'm running the risk of being one of those annoying people that talks about a problem, but doesn't actually tell you what the problem is. All that ambiguity just really gets under my skins sometimes, so I'll move on.

Today I came across these videos and they helped me remember what's important. I had previously reached a point in this trial where I knew I needed to renew my efforts in doing the "little things" like this first video talks about. 

This second video describes what happened to me this morning. I woke up with a renewed hope. I don't know why the timing was the way it was, but I woke up and I suddenly cared again. I know that I carried this burden for as long as I could, and now Christ and the Atonement are making up the difference. I'm moving forward in the way that I know I need to because I know that Christ is carrying me the rest of the way. I'm exhausted emotionally! Let me tell you what! But I have hope again, which hasn't been present for a few weeks. I like how he talks about how it doesn't mean we know when it will work out--there's no time frame given--we just know that day by day it will work out. Eventually we'll see the end. Right now, I can still feel that I'm in the thick of this trial. I haven't had the sense that the burden has been completely lifted, but I do have the sense that at some point it will be over and I'll survive and be better off because of it--just like all of the other trials before this one.

Then here's the last one in the series. Also, very good.

If you're interested in knowing a little bit more about who Elder Christofferson is.

The Great Mediator

While we were on vacation J got really sick. I'll spare you most of the gory details, but I will tell you she was a sad sight! As a result of some of her symptoms, she had a terrible diaper rash. When I went to the doctor for that and all of her other ailments, the pediatrician (trying to appease all of my fears) prescribed her an antibiotic that would hopefully work for all of her symptoms. The antibiotic, while helpful for her ear infection, resulted in some undesirable side effects that made her diaper rash worse. I could tell she was in so much pain! At first, I thought I needed to accept our circumstances and suffer through the trial. It was unfortunate, but what else could I do? However, the pain on her face was just too much to take! I finally called the doctor to see what kind of changes to her diet I could make, or anything else I could do, to ease the side effects of the medicine. He informed me of several steps I could take, but also prescribed a less drastic antibiotic that would hopefully still be as effective.

As I was reading my scriptures today, I was overcome with emotion as I began to think of Christ's role as The Great Mediator. I believe, like many other Christian faiths, that when we leave this life there will be a judgement. We will be held responsible for what we have done, both good and bad. Our Heavenly Father is a just God, but He is also a merciful God. Christ, having endured all things and with his perfect understanding, will be able to advocate for us. No one but Christ is perfect, he understands all that I have been through and all that I will go through. He knows me better than anyone else and, because of that, will be able to mediate between the demands of justice and mercy.

Obviously, I would never want to compare myself to Christ. He is perfect and I am for from it. However, while in this life, one of my roles is to advocate for my children. I don't know if I ever truly knew what it meant to be an advocate for someone until today. Today, Christ's role as the mediator and advocate became so real.

J can't speak for herself. She doesn't understand all that is going on, just like most of us don't have a perfect knowledge of why certain events happen in this life. No one knows her like I do and no one has gone through these experiences with her like I have. I was blessed to have found a doctor where I never had to 'fight' for J, but I did have to speak up. I had to find the balance between accepting the situation we were in (justice) and searching for a better solution (mercy).

I hate when I try to write and the words I know and use can't fully describe the feelings in my heart.  That's how I feel with this post. Hopefully it is somewhat coherent and you can grasp even a glimpse of what I'm trying to convey. I'm so glad we have a savior who knows my heart and understands me in spite of my weaknesses.

Source

Remember that annoying person? Boo-yah!

Has anyone been watching the new NBC show, Ready for Love? I love it! It's not your typical 'Bachelorette' sort of show (don't get me wrong, I can get sucked right into those too)! This show takes three bachelors and, using three professional Match Makers, they find nine possible candidates and date them...all while being filmed and viewed on national television, totally natural.

On the show this week, one of the bachelors, Ernesto, sent his sister to spend time with his girls--only, she was in disguise so they didn't know. He wanted to see what the girls were like when he wasn't around. I LOVED IT! They don't have the exact clip that I want online, but if you go to minute 37, that's where it starts.

If you don't feel like watching the clip, basically one girl is super rude to his sister. She treats her like she's the "help" and keeps calling her annoying. When Ernesto reveals who his spy is, you can tell the girl is so scared! She realizes she's been such a jerk and even pulls him aside to tell him how she isn't like that and was raised differently.

It was always a huge deal in my family growing up to be nice to everyone we came in contact with. I've never been perfect at it, but that was always what I strived for. I remember when I was a kid, my mom would throw a huge prime rib and king crab dinner every year for the custodians at the school where she taught. It wasn't something in her contract or something the school asked her to do (although, I think they did fund it). It was just what she felt was the right thing to do. She would actually go in on a Sunday night because that's what worked best for their lunch schedule.

It's funny because, a lot of times people are rude to custodians, but even at a young age I started to realize that the custodians are the people you want on your side! They have a key to every room and can always help you out when you're in a bind. Obviously, you should be nice regardless, but it's always nice when there's an added bonus.

This is a random post, but I couldn't get over what sweet justice it was! I love when kindness wins and people are brought back to the simple values that should always guide our everyday interactions. Let's be honest here, this was a great reminder for me too! I spend so much time with just J and I during the day, sometimes when I come in contact with people I'm in my own world. It was good for me to acknowledge how important it is to be mindful of who is around me and how I treat them.

I'm also so happy to be done with dating for the rest of my life...but that's an entirely different post!

The Corners of My Heart

I promise, someday I'll get back to some of the other reasons I started this blog, but the Spiritual Health side of my life has just been in the forefront of my mind. It seems that's the way it is when we are going through big changes.

During the 7 Days of Easter, I went looking for this talk, but came across this one along the way. If you don't want to read or listen to it, he talks about how there is a lot of bad in the world, but we have the power to leave that bad behind (for the most part). The talk is entitled, "Place No More for the Enemy of My Soul." The title alone fills me with such power and strength.

One of the reasons I chose to teach in the Health Science field was because I wanted teenagers to understand that their quality of life came down to their choices. A lot of times in high school, I felt like some of my friends got drunk and performed other harmful behaviors was because they felt like that was what they were supposed to do--we were teenagers, that's what the world expected of us. Because I had been raised to not drink or sleep around, I realized I had a choice in the matter. I chose not to do those things.

The other day at church, this lady was teaching the Sunday School lesson and she talked about how she (and all of us) hold on to certain rebellions and tuck them away into the deep corners of our hearts. We're unwilling to sacrifice them, even though we know the happiness of righteousness will bring so much greater joy than any rebellious act could. Some people may scoff at the words 'rebellion' or 'sin', thinking that they don't correlate with happiness. However, in my life, I've always seen a direct correlation between the choices I made and my happiness. I've never had to deal with the misery that is associated with addictions or the heartache and stress that comes from deciding to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. I'm not saying anyone is a bad person because of these acts or that I'm a better person because I haven't dealt with them. I'm just saying that sometimes, as adults, we forget that the choices we make do have  an affect on our happiness.

The teacher's comment made me think about what I have tucked away in the corners of my heart. What am I unwilling to give up--despite the happiness that would come by doing so. Sometimes, we preach and preach about certain aspects of life, but we really need to take a deeper look at what's happening in our own. What's stopping us from achieving our maximum level of happiness?

I came across this graphic on Facebook today, and I loved it's simplicity. Happiness and positivity really can be quite simple to achieve, but what choices are we willing to make to achieve them?

7 Days of Easter: Day 7 The Empty Tomb

While Day 6 can be a somber day, Day 7 is all about celebration! What hope and happiness comes from the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Today we colored...oh yeah, colored! It's funny that I am going through a time of self-discovery, because J is too. One thing is for certain, this little girl likes to get her color on! Here are several different Easter related (and none related) coloring pages!

Source for all pictures and more

7 Days of Easter: Day 6 The Atonement

The atonement is such a heavy concept. I could spend my entire life studying this one subject, and never fully grasp or understand it completely. So how do you break it down for a toddler? You don't, really. We described, in a few sentences, what happened to Jesus Christ. What that sacrifice did for each of us. She didn't get it, and that's okay. Remember, it's more about the habits than anything else.

While J is too young to understand a fraction of what happened, I just really wanted Easter to be real to me this year. I listened to this talk about 4 times. I could have kept going, too. I've read or listened or watched this talk close to a dozen times since it was given in 2009. The way Elder Holland describes the events leading up to Christ crucifixion make the sacrifice so personal to me. My cup runneth over.

Source

7 Days of Easter: Day 5 Friendship, Perfect Law of Love

By now you can probably figure that I stuck to John this year. Since I got this idea the day that I was going to start it, I didn't have a whole lot of time to dive into it as much as I will want to in the future. Day 5 was all about, what the scriptures call, the "Perfect Law of Love." With all that has been going on in my life lately (here), whenever I see the words 'friend' or 'friendship' in the scriptures, I pay closer attention. At the end of the day, the best example of how to be the best friend possible can be found within the example Jesus Christ set for us. For this day, read John 15: 9-15.

J is a singer! She loves to sing and dance. I love it because it is a nice glimps into her growing personality when she does. For this day, we would sing different songs about being a friend or songs that help us see the love that Christ has for us. Here are a few examples of songs we sing in our house.

Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam
Love One Another
My Heavenly Father Loves Me
I Feel My Savior's Love
I Know My Father Lives
I'll Walk with You

Any other songs you'd add to the list? Obviously, my scope is based within the LDS church. None LDS friends, are there any from your faith, or those that you just know, that help you or your kids better understand the love that Christ has for us?

7 Days of Easter: Day 4 The Holy Ghost

Yesterday we read from John 14: 16-18 and 26 and 27. We wrapped up in blankets, read the scriptures, K and I told J the different roles the Holy Ghost plays in our lives, then each told a time where the Holy Ghost helped us.  In these verses, Christ describes the Holy Ghost as the Comforter. We wrapped up in blankets because I thought that was a good physical lesson for J to recognize what the Holy Ghost can feel like. It lasted about 5 minutes and was the perfect amount of time for J. She loved wrapping up in blankets and surprisingly sat still during the entire activity.

For K's experience, he talked about a time when he and I were newly married and weren't sure what to do with ourselves on a Friday night. We went to this really fun park near where we lived, in Utah. As we pulled in we noticed a sign that said the park had a curfew, and we were there past the curfew. K felt prompted that we should leave. As we were pulling out a cop car pulled in and stopped us. We were able to truthfully say that we were just leaving and had little to no trouble with the cop.

For my experience, I described how earlier that day when J and I were walking back from the park, I had already crossed the busy street to get back to our condo, but some geese had landed on the water behind us. I wanted to cross the street again so she could see the geese, but I had a feeling that I shouldn't, so I didn't. Nothing spectacular happened, but sometimes that's a good thing. I'm learning, especially as a mother, to always listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost because one of his roles is to protect us. I'll never know what could have happened if I crossed the street. Maybe nothing would have happened, but it was a chance to practice listening to that still small voice so that someday, when we are in real danger, I'll recognize its prompting and be blessed.

After the lesson, I went to change my clothes. When I walked out J and K were under this blanket. As I sat down on the couch I heard, "Lets hide from mom!" J even got out from under the blanket and ran back to my bedroom looking for me...all while I was sitting right next to them on the couch. Yep, I'm the sneakiest of us all!

7 Days of Easter: Day 2 Service

Tonight's activity will be taken from John 13. I'll have to update afterwards once we see how it goes. This is the chapter where Christ realizes that his crucifixion is coming. He washes the feet of the apostles.

As a personal side note, even if you don't want to do the cheesy activities each night, I'd recommend reading through the chapters leading up to Christ crucifixion this week. I felt a sense of peace, sorrow, and familiarity as I read it. Peace because I know the outcome and am so grateful for his sacrifice. Sorrow because it's just sad. It's sad how the world can turn on the good, even today. Familiarity because, as you read the words that Christ spoke as he was with his peers, you really get a sense of who he is--and that's the best feeling in the world! To feel like  you have a small understanding of such a miraculous being.

Tonight, we will read through John 13. We may read 1-17, or 14-17, or just summarize...it will all depend on J's attention span at the time. I'm trying to remember why I'm doing this--so we focus on the true meaning of Easter--and not get caught up on the parts that I love the most and leave J in the dust.

After that, we'll each choose something out of the ordinary that we can do to serve each other. We'll preform the act either the next day (last night we did this right before bed) or that tonight. Obviously, this part will be more for K and I, but I feel like the more focused we are, the better off it will be for J.

It's interesting, as I read through this post I kept having the thought pop into my head, "She's so little, she will hardly understand the commercial part of Easter. None of this will make a difference." There's some truth to that, but I also feel like sometimes with parenting it's just about the habits we set for ourselves from the beginning. J also doesn't understand why she says 'thank you' or 'please,' but it's easier if we start those habits now while she's young so she doesn't know any different later on in life. I'll be honest, these habits are more for me than they are for her. If there's one thing in life that I want to be good at, it's parenting. These habits are to help myself, later on in her life, to be a good parent.

Source 

(you can download this picture here)

Update: J got way into this one and loved to look at this picture of Christ. She also really enjoyed rubbing our feet and pretending like she was washing them...foot rub for the win!

7 Days of Easter: Day 1 Palm Sunday

Last week I started thinking about how it's odd that there isn't more talk of Easter activities. There are whole months with day by day activities dedicated to preparing for Christmas and focusing on the true meaning of the birth of Christ. Which is awesome! That's how it should be! It just feels like there should be more of that for Easter, too. Without the atonement and the resurrection of Jesus Christ, the birth of Christ wouldn't have meant that much. I hope that doesn't come across as super harsh or sac religious. I just mean that Christ's mission wasn't complete until his resurrection.

Now, if I was a normal crafty mom, I would have just looked up activities online. Pinterest is bound to have something like the 7 Days of Easter. Or I would have made up really cool and creative activities. But I'm not, I'm a, "it's the end of nap-time and if I want to do a week long Easter thing I better plan something quick" mom. The truth is, even if I had all the time in the world, we probably still would have done what we did (ha). We put a lot of pressure on ourselves as moms and this was supposed to be a fun activity that taught J about the true meaning of Easter. In fact, I'm going to shoot for something every night, but I can tell you right now, there's a chance it won't happen. That's life with a toddler! We can't beat ourselves up about it, just try again the next day. Here's what we did today:

I gave J a brief synopsis of what was happening around the time of Palm Sunday. [Christ had recently raised Lazarus from the dead. This act was the tipping point. Naysayers couldn't deny his power any longer--not just anyone can raise a man from the dead. On the flip side, this act showed many Jews that he was, in deed, the Christ they had been waiting for. As Christ journeyed to Jerusalem, many went out to meet him. "Took branches of palm trees, and went forth to meet him, and cried, Hosanna: Blessed is the King of Israel that cometh in the name of the Lord." (John 12:13 KJV).]

To be fair her synopsis went like this,

Me: so Jesus, we love Jesus, right?

J: Yep! (she enjoys saying 'Yep' and 'Nope' and is getting pretty good at figuring out which I want her to use)

Me: He raised a guy, Lazarus, from the dead. Pretty cool, right?

J: Yep!

Me: Some people didn't like that and were mad. But others were happy, what does it look like when we're happy?

J: (not the actual moment, but the same face was made)

Me: So Jesus came on a donkey and people that loved him laid biiiiig (hand motions were involved) leaves out for him and they said "HOSANNA, HOSANNA!"(we like to yell at our house) Say, "Hosanna."

J: attempts, see video

Then we colored palm leaves, tried to talk J into getting in traditional garb (she wasn't having it) and reenacted the triumphal entry. At first I thought, "Is this sac religious?" But then I remembered earlier in nap time when I researched where the Easter Bunny came from (here and here)*, and I figured Christ would care more about her knowing the real story and true meaning. 

Our reenactment + a nice little dash of real life! Toddlers are fun :)

*Note: This was very scientific research. I typed in "Where did the Easter Bunny come from?" and clicked on the first two links google had. Also note, my child does wear pants, just not very often. YOLO, peeps!