Survival Mode

I've taken a little blogging hiatus because J and I got to go visit my parents in Alaska last week! It was a much needed break from our new Chicagoland changes. I'll have to do a separate post on Alaska once I've loaded all of my pictures on to the computer.

While I was away, I had a lot of time to think about our new life and the changes we've made. Whenever you make big changes in your life, it feels like you begin the change in "Survival Mode". When I became a teacher, they call the first few years "Survival Mode" because you aren't able to be the absolute perfect teacher that you want to be due to the overwhelming obstacles that face a first time teacher. Brand new lesson plans, new teacher meetings, faculty meetings, a new grading system, plus the actual grading, etc, etc. Since we've moved, even though I've felt fairly settled for some time, I feel like we've still been in Survival Mode. K has been working crazy long hours for the past 3 months and J and I have been trying to get out, meet people/socialize whenever possible, and just establish some sort of a routine. We've all been working hard in our own spheres. When I played soccer, my dad used to always tell me, "Don't just work hard, work smart." We definitely have been working hard, but not necessarily smart. Let me explain:

For me, a part of Survival Mode means I get so focused on being a good parent and making sure J is well adjusted, that I forget that being a good mom means maintaining and flourishing in my role as a wife, too. A few months ago, my absolute favorite Hollywood couple (Giuliana and Bill Rancic) took major heat for making this statement, “We’re husband and wife, but we’re also best friends, and it’s funny because a lot of people, when they have kids, they put the baby first, and the marriage second,’ 'That works for some people. For us, I find, we put our marriage first and our child second, because the best thing we can do for him is have a strong marriage.”

I can understand why people gave her flack, since K can definitely take care of himself and J needs help for her very basic needs. However, on the emotional and relationship side of needs, I am able to be there for J in a much healthier way when my relationship with K is in a better place. The more stress in our marriage, the more stress in my life. K is my best friend, it kills me when we aren't right with each other. That kind of strife and grief is obviously going to carry over into my interactions with J. In that sense, I couldn't agree more with Giuliana's statement. 

K and I have a new resolve to get back to working together as a team. It's not like anythings is wrong, it's just been hard to get in a groove where we both understand our respective responsibilities in this new place with our new roles (him as the sole bread winner and me as a SAHM). It can be so frustrating for everyone involved when there is too much ambiguity in the home. The week away was good for taking a step back and getting a clearer picture on what we needed to do to get back to where we like to be as a married couple and family. I can't even begin to describe the relief that comes when you are able to gain some clarity on how to get out of Survival Mode and into just living!

What do you think, marriage or baby first? Please explain (I find this concept very interesting!)

How do you find balance between your role as a spouse and parent? If you aren't one or either of those, how have you seen it in your parents or those around you?
-Our big "balancer" is to keep the dating relationship alive. When you are dating, you put so much thought and effort into the other persons wellbeing and happiness...sometimes that can be lost when kids and careers come along. Little actions like holding hands, going on dates, talking about subjects other than J and work are big. And sex (HI-Ohhh)! But honestly, if we had just gone over to each others houses and watched TV for our entire courtship, there's no way we would have stayed together--let alone married each other. There's no reason we should expect a different result once we are married. I think a lot of people don't realize how much work a good marriage takes. I know I didn't get it. It takes both people constantly making a concentrated effort to stay happy in a marriage!

13 Things to Discuss Before You Marry

Hello from the wetlands! Our little suburb of Chicago got 7 inches of rain today! 7 inches!! I couldn't believe it! I was so grateful that J didn't wake up to the insanely loud and bright thunder and lighting. It started last night, went straight through the night and continued on until about 11 am this morning. It was incredible! Here are a few pictures from around us:

Sorry this is bad quality. But this is out J's bedroom window. This is usually a small little creek that is down a hill. It usually doesn't even touch any of the trees!

I didn't take this, but a friend posted this on Facebook. This is about 10 minutes away from our house! Sooo crazy! Also, why would you drive into this once you see another car stuck?

You can see more pictures here.

***

During college, I had a job driving LDS missionaries from their training center to the airport. I would just shuttle them back and forth, about an hour one-way. After a few weeks, I started to be so over music. I began listening to Dr. Laura. Judge me if you will, but she is entertaining! I don't agree with all of her feelings and opinions, but I do agree with many. I follow her blog and, from time to time, she posts some articles I find interesting. I found 2 in the last week that perked my interest. I'll share one today and one tomorrow. 

Today, she posted 13 Things to Discuss Before You Marry. I won't comment on all of her thoughts, but there were a few that took me right back to 2006 when K and I started dating.

1. Money. 

This one was an easy one. We are both cheap. We learned after we got married that we both never really saved, we just never spent money. Getting married when you're still fairly young (I was 22 and K was 25), we still didn't really know how we spent our money because we hadn't had a chance to make a lot of big purchases yet. We soon found that we were pretty identical though. We like to buy nicer products and then take care of them. We've both learned that buying cheap usually means you have to replace them so often that it just makes sense to buy quality products from the beginning and then just take care of them. 

2. How alike are you?  

Dr. L talks about how you shouldn't go off of the notion that "opposites attract." K and I are different and the same? I think most marriages are like that. Both of us don't like to be the center of attention (K more so than me), but I am definitely more outgoing than K. We both have leveled each other out since we got married. K is more outgoing and I have chilled out a lot. I like it! I see them as positive changes!

3. Communication skills.  

I came from a family that talks about...well...everything. We talk until we are blue in the face and have no problem calling each other out on just about...well...everything. Our communication is usually pretty firey, but in the end, we get to the root of the problem fast and get the problems resolved. K's family is way more reserved and nice to each other haha. I would say communication was one of our biggest growing pains while dating since we came from such opposite backgrounds. We have come a long way, and continue to improve. Marriage is all about evolving and growing together! (A topic for another day).

4. Life outside of marriage.  

As a result of some of my friendship issues in the past, I knew I needed to be careful not to smother K. When we first got married we started reading (and I really want to make time to finish) the book His Needs, Her Needs. The author talks about having activities to do together and having activities that are for you. We both had hobbies that we really loved that didn't necessarily involve the other. We made a deal that I could always play soccer and K would support me, and K could always play the guitar or go mountain biking and I would support him. I made sure that whenever he had his guitar out I just enjoyed the music and never rushed him to put it away (it helps that he's super good). If his friends called to go mountain biking, I always did everything I could to make sure he could go. K has always been the same way with me either coaching or playing on old-foggie soccer leagues. It's so nice to not have to feel guilty about wanting to do our activities!

5. Do you want to have kids?  

There are 6 kids in K's family and 5 in mine. We both loved having a lot of siblings and have always agreed on how many kids we want. We've always seen eye to eye on what we expected in regards to discipline or parenting styles. Obviously, since becoming an actual parent we've evolved into more realistic expectations (haha), but since we started on the same page and evolved together it's been a real none issue.

6. Employment. 

Since K had basically NO IDEA what he wanted to be when we first met, we've made all career choices together. It's been nice :)

7. Sex! Find out what each other's fantasies are. If their fantasies include small farm animals, you know to hit the eject button.

Dr. Laura's words, haha

8. Daily life: 

This is one we didn't discuss! It added some real life to our newly wed euphoric state :). For the first few years we just both paid the bills. Whoever had time just did it. Since I've stayed home I've had to pry the bills out of K's death grip! I just have so much more time to do them and our budget. I've had to get better about communicating to K what's been happening (the reason for his death grip), and he has learned to relax without that responsibility. Fun Fact: We are WAAAAY better at staying on our budget since just one of us is paying the bills.

9. How committed are you to the relationship? 

10. Personal space.  

11. How are you going to keep the marriage exciting? 

12. Family.  

A few days before K and I got married I had a total break down. I was worried I was never going to be able to see my family again and made him promise I could go see them at least once a year. He got nervous because he wasn't sure we could afford it. Thank goodness for parents that are generous with their air miles! He's always been understanding of how close I am with my family and been willing to let me go whenever I want. (Good man :))

13. Know your odds. Statistics show that couples who live together before they're married are more likely to get divorced.

      I never knew that was statistically proven, but I believe it.

Did any of these questions stand out to you? Did you or your spouse discuss these? Do you plan on discussing them with your spouse?

What's been happenin' / Menu 4/1

You may have noticed, I haven't been doing Weekly Goals lately. This move has really taken the wind out of my sails. I've had the hardest time getting a routine going that I like and can stick to. The thought of having weekly goals has become too much (sad, but true). Lately we've been taking it one day at a time. Sometimes, that's just the way life goes.

To make matters worse, J has been sick since last Thursday. Since I am passionate about not letting my kid go to public places where other kids will be when she is sick, I haven't been to the gym since last Thursday either. Basically, I've been a hormonal nut job without my much needed endorphins. Last night I went totally loco on K. When I freaked out over nothing, I thought, "Where did that come from?" Do you ever have those out-of-body-arguments where you know the entire time that you are wrong and have absolutely no idea why you're continuing on in your quest for right-ness? Yep, that was last night. So tonight, as a peace offering, I'm going to admit my wrong and go to the gym. That sort of seems like a backwards peace offering, but K will understand and accept it gladly. That's what we call "a peace offering on a budget!"

While my life may be crazy everywhere else, I have loved still putting up our weekly menus. It makes me feel like I still have my life together...even if it is only in one small area! It really is all about the little things!

Ham sliders

Baked Creamy Chicken Taquitos 

I'm excited about this one!

Twice Baked Potatoes
Remember a few months ago when I said I was going to do this. Yeah, I never did. I did find this new recipe, though. So, hopefully, I'll be giving this a try at some point this week.

Tostadas
-Hard shell corn tortilla, refried beans, lettuce, salsa, cheese, sour cream, green sauce, other stuff. Sometimes we throw nacho cheese on it if we're feeling up to it.

Beef Noodle Casserole

Tilapia marinated in Sun-Dried Tomato dressing, on George Formen, with cheese melted on top, and random spices thrown over it. Basically I loved this recipe and will recreate it with what I have on hand.

Pizza Night
The local grocery store here has a pretty decent generic pizza dough. You can't beat an entire pizza for $3.00!

7 Days of Easter: Day 4 The Holy Ghost

Yesterday we read from John 14: 16-18 and 26 and 27. We wrapped up in blankets, read the scriptures, K and I told J the different roles the Holy Ghost plays in our lives, then each told a time where the Holy Ghost helped us.  In these verses, Christ describes the Holy Ghost as the Comforter. We wrapped up in blankets because I thought that was a good physical lesson for J to recognize what the Holy Ghost can feel like. It lasted about 5 minutes and was the perfect amount of time for J. She loved wrapping up in blankets and surprisingly sat still during the entire activity.

For K's experience, he talked about a time when he and I were newly married and weren't sure what to do with ourselves on a Friday night. We went to this really fun park near where we lived, in Utah. As we pulled in we noticed a sign that said the park had a curfew, and we were there past the curfew. K felt prompted that we should leave. As we were pulling out a cop car pulled in and stopped us. We were able to truthfully say that we were just leaving and had little to no trouble with the cop.

For my experience, I described how earlier that day when J and I were walking back from the park, I had already crossed the busy street to get back to our condo, but some geese had landed on the water behind us. I wanted to cross the street again so she could see the geese, but I had a feeling that I shouldn't, so I didn't. Nothing spectacular happened, but sometimes that's a good thing. I'm learning, especially as a mother, to always listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost because one of his roles is to protect us. I'll never know what could have happened if I crossed the street. Maybe nothing would have happened, but it was a chance to practice listening to that still small voice so that someday, when we are in real danger, I'll recognize its prompting and be blessed.

After the lesson, I went to change my clothes. When I walked out J and K were under this blanket. As I sat down on the couch I heard, "Lets hide from mom!" J even got out from under the blanket and ran back to my bedroom looking for me...all while I was sitting right next to them on the couch. Yep, I'm the sneakiest of us all!