"Boy, you've got YOUR hands full!"

It happened, you guys, it really happened! I was in the parking lot of our local grocery store. I had my baby in his carseat on one arm (oh, p.s. I had a baby), I had J standing every so obediently to my side, and I was grabbing my grocery bags from my trunk (oh, p.p.s. I live in Austin now--sort of hippie, don't forget your reusable shopping bags or you will regret it!). Anyways, I was standing there, with all of this going on around me, and an older man, maybe 75 years old, walked by and he said IT!!!!!

"Boy, you've got YOUR hands full!"

I couldn't believe it! I had always heard other moms talk about people making those comments and, of course, I believed them! BUT THEN, it happened to ME!

I was so proud of myself! Do you want to know why? I remembered! I remembered what I wanted to do when someone said that to me. I have this theory, if someone wants to make an awkward comment, you've got two choices--(1) smile, be polite, move on with life; or (2) make.them.feel.awkward.back! OF COURSE, I chose option 2! How could I not!?

My kids were being so good! J could have been yelling, tugging at my jeans, and running into the street--barely dodging a car coming straight for her (which DOES happen). Yet, she wasn't! She was standing there, just like I taught her--right next to my leg, very still, chatting about the mysteries of her three year old life.  And H, he's not even 9 months old yet. The possibilities of annoying things he could have been doing is remarkable! On that day though, he was strapped into his carseat (which to him is either the greatest or most awful contraption ever invented--luckily, that day it was the latter), he was watching me with the most serious and focused eyes, pondering the possibilities of which brightly colored shopping bag he could reach next and shove directly into his mouth, babbling his incoherent language that only I can understand.

So when that stranger said those words, that honestly, he meant ZERO harm in, I couldn't help it! I had to stand up for my kids. To be 100% real, I had to stand up for myself and my husband. It's not easy setting standards and remaining consistent with your kids, but we really really really try to raise well mannered kids who are pleasant to be around.

"Boy, you've got YOUR hands full!"

"No, actually, I don't! They're great kids!"

*continues figuring out which bag will serve as Mary Poppins bag reincarnated*

I promise I wasn't trying to make him feel bad about himself, like I said, I know he meant no harm in it. However, guess what I heard next? It wasn't from him, he was well on his way. No, it was from J!

"Why did that guy say that?"

I was so happy she asked! I ALWAYS am in a position where I can point out the mistakes she makes and how she can fix them. Now, this stranger had given me the chance to point out something good she had done in an unforced, authentic, and sincere way.

"Because he's used to kids that aren't making good choices, but not you! You were doing just what I asked you to do and being safe, standing right by me watching out for cars. I have great kids, you and H are awesome!"

So while it was totally harmless, but still kind of annoying, I ended up being happy that someone said IT to me! Sometimes those moments are just what I need to help me be the type of person I want to be. Plus, I felt like a legit mom--and now I'm too legit to quit (What! What!)

Daily Bread

This morning, I woke up and tended to the important business of catching up on all the blogs I like to read. Blog after blog continued to talk about fall and how it was quickly approaching, or in some places, beginning to show its early signs. That must have stuck with me subconsciously as I got dressed. I put on a pair of jeans, rolled them into capris, put on my black camisole with a shirt over it, got J dressed in roughly the same type of clothes, walked outside (sans the usual water bottles), and DIED of heat! Fall may be coming, but not any time soon in the Midwest! We are still very much so in the summer temps--at least for this Alaskan girl!

Hello, friends! I'm hoping to start blogging more regularly now that summer is, kind of, winding down. Way too much has happened to try to catch up, so I'll just start with now and we'll all have to wait and see if catching up is really in the cards.

***

I wanted to share a few videos I came across that really spoke to my soul this morning. We've been going through some trials lately that I honestly never saw coming--which I guess is the case with most trials in life. I'm one of those pretty cold hearted and, most likely, emotionally stunted people that can basically turn off emotions when I reach my breaking point. For example, before I got married, I never really had break ups that destroyed me because my usual pattern would go something like this: initial break up, dramatic crying/my life is over, I start to get annoyed with myself and all the emotions, decide I'm over it, cut said person out of my life, and move on.  It's not a very admirable quality, and I always thought it would come and bite me in the butt at some point--but I've been going a good 26+ years in this way and so far so good. (Good meaning I haven't gone crazy in a grocery store when seeing a loaf of bread triggered all past emotions I never dealt with properly.)

Anyways, I sort of reached my peak of emotions in the past couple days and have drifted into the "I'm over it" stage. Which really means I'm starting to accept my situation and give up on all of my previous desires. Unfortunately, this scenario isn't one where I get to just "cut people out" and "move on." I know I'm running the risk of being one of those annoying people that talks about a problem, but doesn't actually tell you what the problem is. All that ambiguity just really gets under my skins sometimes, so I'll move on.

Today I came across these videos and they helped me remember what's important. I had previously reached a point in this trial where I knew I needed to renew my efforts in doing the "little things" like this first video talks about. 

This second video describes what happened to me this morning. I woke up with a renewed hope. I don't know why the timing was the way it was, but I woke up and I suddenly cared again. I know that I carried this burden for as long as I could, and now Christ and the Atonement are making up the difference. I'm moving forward in the way that I know I need to because I know that Christ is carrying me the rest of the way. I'm exhausted emotionally! Let me tell you what! But I have hope again, which hasn't been present for a few weeks. I like how he talks about how it doesn't mean we know when it will work out--there's no time frame given--we just know that day by day it will work out. Eventually we'll see the end. Right now, I can still feel that I'm in the thick of this trial. I haven't had the sense that the burden has been completely lifted, but I do have the sense that at some point it will be over and I'll survive and be better off because of it--just like all of the other trials before this one.

Then here's the last one in the series. Also, very good.

If you're interested in knowing a little bit more about who Elder Christofferson is.

Book Review: Thirteen Reasons Why

By now, you should all know that I love Teen Lit. I'm not ashamed of that at all...okay, maybe slightly embarrassed. But someone who willingly takes pictures like this:

just really should learn to embrace the weirdness...so I'm going to!

Thirteen Reasons Why, by Jay Asher, is about a teenage girl who commits suicide. She leaves behind 13 cassette tapes for a list of people to understand why she committed suicide. As a health teacher who spent several days discussing the warning signs of suicide and how to help potential victims of suicide, I was very wary of this book. I don't like anything that glorifies suicide or makes it look like an satisfactory answer to the difficulties we all face in life (understandable, some more than others). Our major take home message in my class was that, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

I was so happy (and quite relieved) that this book never glorified suicide. It depicted the very real consequences of teens' actions. Asher showed that it's never too late to fix a reputation, it's never too late to give someone a second chance, it DOES matter how you treat each and every person you come in contact with, and the choices you make do, indeed, have an impact on all those around you. Like I've mentioned before, I HATE when bad things happen to kids--whether it's real life, TV, or books--it's just too hard for me to take! I always personalize everything I read or hear, and I've loved too many young people in my life to just brush those things off. I never want to become desensitized to the horrible realities that are so casually depicted in our everyday media. However, I did appreciate Asher's way of shining light on many teenage cliches that, all too often, live up to their stereotypes. (I.e.: girl gets drunk and can't control, nor remember, what happens to her).

Lastly, I love when books are written in an interesting format. We were able to hear the tapes and then understand the main character, Clay's, reaction to the recordings. I love any kind of spin on a traditional narrative!

Overall, I really liked this book and would recommend it to anyone that is into teeny-bopper lit!

A "Good Mom Day"

I was just trying to play catch-up on our family blog (I try to use it more as a family journal, but I'm failing miserably!). The post was about J turning 2, but the conclusion slowly started turning into my most recent thoughts on motherhood. (Side note: feeling extremely narcissistic about that now that I've actually typed it out and you all have read it.) However, it made me think of a topic that I wanted to talk about with you--here's the concluding paragraph and then I'll get to my topic:

I'm trying my hardest to get out and go do stuff with her--to take advantage of the family-friendly environment of the Midwest; as well as, my wonderful opportunity to stay home with her. We go to the library on a weekly basis (sometimes more) and we start Parent-Tot Swim lessons tomorrow! She is excited beyond belief! I'm hoping to get out and find more activities in the community that are going on this summer. My greatest desire and ambition right now is to be a mom that DOES stuff. This week I'm going to buy Play-doh and water-color paints and anything else I see in that aisle that she could do! I just yearn to be a good mom. Others may see that and think that's so lame, but it truly is the greatest accomplishment in my life. The days when I sit back and know that I did a great job as a mom, those days, are my happiest! When we explored, tried new things, read books, played toys, snuggled, and hugged and kissed and wrestled on the ground--I know I did my job and it makes me so happy! I never thought I'd see the day when I became so elated and overwhelmed with a sense of pride because of those things--but that day is upon me and I make no excuses for it. 


Do you know what I'm talking about? Those days where you just really know that you did your job. That all the career ambitions or personal interests you set aside to be a mom, were all worth it. Will you tell me about one of those days? (Shoot, don't hold back, tell me about every single day you can remember that was like that!) I just love hearing about days when moms were awesome! I love it because, when do you ever get to talk about it in a public setting without having to hold back because of the eye rolls (either because people think being a mom is so 1950's or people hate you because you're making them look bad)?

I liked being a teacher, but I LOVE being a mom. It totally sucks somedays, but a lot of times, those are the days when I wasn't doing it right! I wasn't trying and I wasn't paying attention to J and that's why she was going cray cray by noon. So can we do this for each other? Can you leave a long comment or post about all the ridiculous things you did with your kid(s) and can we all agree to reply to each other's comments with, "You go girl!" "Slide-burns are the worst, but oh so worth it!"and other stuff like that? No one is going to try and one-up each other, it's just a no-holds-bar-euphoric-I'm the bomb dot com-comment-fest! And instead of adding lines to our stories like, "sooo that's life with a toddler!" *nervous laugh* or "the things you do when you don't talk to adults for over 10 hours" *nervous laugh, is it hot in here to anyone else????*, let's just say something hard core like "I make no excuses!" Because being a mom is hard core and I don't care what anyone else says!

I'm so excited about this, I almost forgot I haven't posted in forever so people probably aren't reading anymore, but that's okay! Whenever you see this, or think about it after you've had a "Good Mom Day", just come and comment and I will be happy and excited right along with you!

As a recap:

1. Leave a comment or link to a post where you describe a day where you were a sweet-tastic mom.
2. Be hard core and say, "I make no excuses!" at the end.
3. Reply to other people's comments or link with how hard core and awesome they are.
4. Come back and repeat whenever possible.
5. Boom.

Here are some of my, "Good Mom Day" moments,

She had been SOOOO sick, but she wanted to go outside so badly. We struggled and climbed to the very top of the jungle gym and, after all that, she was too tired to play. So we sat, and watched some squirrels. I taught her squirrels live in trees that day (funny when you realize all that they don't know) and I didn't rush her to go down a slide so we could go home, we just sat, and watched squirrles play and climb. I make no excuses.

As a family we went for a walk and randomly came across a Paddle-Boat little pond area. We went inside and found out it was only $8 total, for everyone, for 20 minutes. So we just did it, like that! No plans, no questions, we were just spontaneous and fun and J still asks to go "Ride a boat?"

Sometimes your toddler wants to wear a winter hat when it's 80 degrees out, you just roll with it and feel good about them getting to be a kid!

Sometimes your toddler likes stickers, but DOES NOT like stickers on herself. So you take one for the team and wear Anime stickers for an entire day. I make no excuses!

We went for a walk. A really long walk where I just followed everywhere she wanted to go (except for the trash compactor--being hard core does not mean being stupid).

I didn't feel like wearing sunglasses, but she LOVES when we wear them together. So we rocked those sunglasses and Maroon 5's "One More Night" for the one billionth time in a row.

Even Clifford has to hydrate. And the answer is, "No! She hardly ever wears clothes at home! And, yes! It does make her ridiculously happy and say awesome things like 'NAKEY BABY NAKEY BABY!!'" I make no excuses!

Sometimes they aren't sick, they just really want you to hold them while they sleep. And yeah, I had a ton of other stuff to do, and it made us late for a dinner invitation, but now I have this, and I make no excuses.

Book Review: The Fault In Our Stars

This is a Teen Lit novel--so of course I liked it! I just love teen novels, I don't know why, but I always have! I think it has something to do with the fact that my life has always had virtually no drama in it, so reading about other people's is fun! That's probably the same reason I enjoy crappy Reality TV..?

The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green, is about two teenagers who both have cancer. It's about their relationship with each other, their families, and ultimately, themselves. Having watched my mom battle cancer from afar, this book had me full on ugly crying more than once. Something I found interesting about this book was that the teenagers were faced with a terrible illness that many times emotionally debilitates adults, yet in the midst of them dealing with their ailments, they still wanted/needed to go through all of the same coming of age obstacles that every other teen faces.

There was one particular scene that I felt the author did such an awesome job writing. I could picture it so well and the dialogue between the teens and their actions were so realistic to students I had had in classes. I was laughing so hard! (If you decide to read the book, egg + car is what I'm referring to). I wish I had remembered to write this review right after I read it...whoops! Overall I enjoyed the book, it was a quick and easy read. I could have done without some of the smut that was thrown in there, but such is life. A good read for older teens to adults like me who have some weird obsession with teen lit.

Potty Training Part 2

Day 1

Day 2

I got up the next morning, feeling slightly better and started right in (although, J woke up unusually early, which is never fun). I kept the timer at every 20 minutes. She was less enthused about it that day, so I let her put her undies on. I just opened up the washing machine and every time she got her undies wet, I'd throw them in there and do one normal sized wash that night. Putting her undies on really helped because then I could say, "Oh no! You got Elmo wet! Now you can't wear Elmo because he's wet!" It really helped her make a cause and effect connection between her peeing and getting the undies wet. This day lasted forever! These are the text between K and I that day.

I began to notice that she just wasn't having to go pee that much. We had some left over Pedialite in the fridge from when she was sick, so I began giving her that whenever she wanted. This helped increase the frequency of her going, which helped speed up the learning process. This was the night of my break down. It's so emotionally exhausting because you can't get mad at them, they're just learning and it's not their fault they don't know how yet. Plus, I wanted to keep everything very positive, truthfully, because I wanted her to be able to go poop on the potty. I've heard a lot of stories about kids going full weeks between bowel movements because they were terrified to go poop on the potty. In my head, I thought if I could keep it all very positive then that would help. Being overly positive and enthusiastic is VERY taxing! Maybe that says something about my personality, oh well!

That night, as I laid in bed starring at the ceiling, I thought, "There's no way I can get up and do this again tomorrow. I want to die! [so dramatic, but that's what mental/emotional exhaustion does to you] There's no way I can have another kid ever again if I have to do this with them every time! But I can't stop, if I stop I'll have to go through this first day all over again! I can only have 1 first day per child!" And then I prayed. So stupid. But I honestly prayed. I can't help but laugh hysterically just thinking about it! However, what I've learned several times in my life, if it's important to me, it's important to God.

Day 3 (+ night time and going in public)

Potty Training Part I

Hi friends, it's been awhile. We were sick, sick, potty training, sick/maybe J has allergies? Totally random and weird, but such is life! Incase you missed our big news, I did say P.O.T.T.Y. T.R.A.I.N.I.N.G! Now before you all throw your shoes at me for being some overachieving first time mom, let me tell you, this chick was ready! This is a typical mommy-blogger-post, so if you have no interest in that, go read another post. I want to write down everything we did because I want to provide some encouragement for myself for the next time I have to potty train.

Potty training (PT) is awful!! I would be lying to you if I didn't tell you that at one point, I cried. Full on-emotional break down-I will never get pregnant again if it means I have to PT another human being-crying! But, obviously we have gotten passed that and I am so happy I stuck with it!

So I don't forget, here and here (AHH! I just searched through my Pinterest to find the other blog and I can't find it. Basically, she's the one that encouraged giving a lot of juice the first day. So sorry I can't find the link to give her credit.) are the sources for the PT method we used.

How I knew she was ready
For several months she would come and tell us right after she had gone poop in her diaper. The wheels started turning in my head, but I figured I'd wait awhile. A few weeks ago she started telling us before she would go poop, wheels turning again, but still not quite sure if recognizing bowel movements is the same as recognizing needing to pee. One day, we didn't have much to do and so we just sort of hung out at home all day. EVERY TIME she would go pee she would say, "change! change!" She hated her wet diaper! She didn't mind the diaper when we were out and about doing stuff, but she really noticed it while we were at home. I probably changed her diaper that day close to 15 times! It was like she was a newborn again! Not only was I over changing her diaper so much, I can't afford to go through 15 diapers in one day! (Note: 15 is probably an exaggeration, just know it was more than the 3-5 tops it usually was.)

Day 1
J and I finally had time to go get some undies in the late morning--I didn't plan on starting until the following morning. However, she was adamant that she wanted to wear her undies, so after her nap that afternoon we began. I put her training potty in the living room on a plastic mat that our landlord had left for right by our sliding glass window. (Obviously, I've sanitized the dickens out of that thing, but lets just say, this apartment will always have a little piece of us with it:). We later learned that towels work much better. I set a timer for 20 minutes and had J run around the same way she came into this world, butt-friggin-naked! She loved it, and to this day still asks to be, "Nakey baby!" Every 20 minutes we would sit on the potty and try to go pee. However, I soon found that she kept going a minute or two before the timer would go off. So frustrating! I decided to change the timer to every 18 minutes. This day was exhausting and I was starting to think maybe she was too young and wasn't ready to try PT. I even had K pick up a pizza on his way home because she would just start going at the most random moments, there was no way I could try to cook and PT at the same time! She did have 2 successes that day. When she would go, I would go crazy! Telling her good job, give her candy, bless my sister's heart, we called her and her kids probably 30 times in the span of 2.5 days! We put her in a diaper for the night time.

Day 2
Day 3 (+ night time and going in public)

Survival Mode

I've taken a little blogging hiatus because J and I got to go visit my parents in Alaska last week! It was a much needed break from our new Chicagoland changes. I'll have to do a separate post on Alaska once I've loaded all of my pictures on to the computer.

While I was away, I had a lot of time to think about our new life and the changes we've made. Whenever you make big changes in your life, it feels like you begin the change in "Survival Mode". When I became a teacher, they call the first few years "Survival Mode" because you aren't able to be the absolute perfect teacher that you want to be due to the overwhelming obstacles that face a first time teacher. Brand new lesson plans, new teacher meetings, faculty meetings, a new grading system, plus the actual grading, etc, etc. Since we've moved, even though I've felt fairly settled for some time, I feel like we've still been in Survival Mode. K has been working crazy long hours for the past 3 months and J and I have been trying to get out, meet people/socialize whenever possible, and just establish some sort of a routine. We've all been working hard in our own spheres. When I played soccer, my dad used to always tell me, "Don't just work hard, work smart." We definitely have been working hard, but not necessarily smart. Let me explain:

For me, a part of Survival Mode means I get so focused on being a good parent and making sure J is well adjusted, that I forget that being a good mom means maintaining and flourishing in my role as a wife, too. A few months ago, my absolute favorite Hollywood couple (Giuliana and Bill Rancic) took major heat for making this statement, “We’re husband and wife, but we’re also best friends, and it’s funny because a lot of people, when they have kids, they put the baby first, and the marriage second,’ 'That works for some people. For us, I find, we put our marriage first and our child second, because the best thing we can do for him is have a strong marriage.”

I can understand why people gave her flack, since K can definitely take care of himself and J needs help for her very basic needs. However, on the emotional and relationship side of needs, I am able to be there for J in a much healthier way when my relationship with K is in a better place. The more stress in our marriage, the more stress in my life. K is my best friend, it kills me when we aren't right with each other. That kind of strife and grief is obviously going to carry over into my interactions with J. In that sense, I couldn't agree more with Giuliana's statement. 

K and I have a new resolve to get back to working together as a team. It's not like anythings is wrong, it's just been hard to get in a groove where we both understand our respective responsibilities in this new place with our new roles (him as the sole bread winner and me as a SAHM). It can be so frustrating for everyone involved when there is too much ambiguity in the home. The week away was good for taking a step back and getting a clearer picture on what we needed to do to get back to where we like to be as a married couple and family. I can't even begin to describe the relief that comes when you are able to gain some clarity on how to get out of Survival Mode and into just living!

What do you think, marriage or baby first? Please explain (I find this concept very interesting!)

How do you find balance between your role as a spouse and parent? If you aren't one or either of those, how have you seen it in your parents or those around you?
-Our big "balancer" is to keep the dating relationship alive. When you are dating, you put so much thought and effort into the other persons wellbeing and happiness...sometimes that can be lost when kids and careers come along. Little actions like holding hands, going on dates, talking about subjects other than J and work are big. And sex (HI-Ohhh)! But honestly, if we had just gone over to each others houses and watched TV for our entire courtship, there's no way we would have stayed together--let alone married each other. There's no reason we should expect a different result once we are married. I think a lot of people don't realize how much work a good marriage takes. I know I didn't get it. It takes both people constantly making a concentrated effort to stay happy in a marriage!

Book Review: The Glass Castle

This book was recommended to me by my friend, Megan, after I had mentioned in my last book review how I'm so interested in family dynamics.

The Glass Castle is a book of memoirs written by Jeannette Walls. Her family is essentially a bunch of nomads, traveling around the U.S. dodging bill collectors. Any time a situation got a little harry or her dad got sick of working, the family would up and move. I'll be honest, this book was a lot to handle at moments. I had to keep reminding myself that this was actually a set of memoirs and that I had found it in the "Non-fiction" section of my library. "No way this could happen in real life!" or "No way people like this actually exist!" were the thoughts that continually kept creeping back into my mind. I had to convince myself to keep reading a few times because it is too hard for me to hear about awful things happening to children. I've mentioned before, becoming a mother made a new kind of heartache arise in me every time something bad happens to a child. I can't watch Law and Order: SVU anymore because it's just too much! 

I felt myself getting physically mad--no, not mad--livid/furious/irate over many of the responses the parents had to Jeannette and her siblings. The situations the parents put them in, the way the children were treated,  the fact that more often than not, the kids were more responsible than the parents, drove me up the wall! 

It brought me right back to when I was a teacher. I remember one student that came to me with a drop-out form. "What's this?" I asked him. "It's a form you have to sign so I can drop out." "But you're a senior, you literally have 6 months until you can graduate. Why don't you just stick it out until graduation?" "Because my parents disowned me and I have to work so I can eat and pay bills." AHHHHHH! If I could have told him everything I was thinking I would have told him, "You'll never go back for your GED like you think you will. It's not that you can't or don't have the intellect or intelligence to do so, it's because GEDs are expensive and quite frankly, not even close to the same as a high school diploma. Also, you're parents suck! That's right, I said suck! You only get to be a kid once and they stole that from you. They literally stole some of the most precious memories you will ever have right out from under you. The saddest part is that you will probably never fully understand what you missed out on! The amount of wasted potential that is balled up inside of you makes me want to cry, real tears of sorrow because you and I have come so far since you called me a 'bitch' the first month of school. I had big hopes and dreams of showing you just how awesome you could be! But instead, you're going to quit. Again and again and again, you're going to quit. Because your parents suck!"

But teachers don't get to say things like that. Especially not new teachers that haven't reached tenure yet. So instead I told him I wouldn't sign it. If he was going to drop-out, I didn't want any part of that. Then I learned I had to sign it. So I did. It makes me sick just thinking about it.

So yeah, it hurts me when bad things happen to children. The one thing that kept me going was that I knew the ending. I didn't actually know the ending, but being around kids enough, you start to get the sense about the ones that rise above. The ones that say, "screw you" to all the garbage their parents had filled them with and decide to find out what the world is really like for themselves. The book was written so well that I knew Jeannette had been one of those kids that rose above her parents and her upbringing. 

Just thinking about this has got me all fired up again! It was a book filled with raw emotion. If you want a book that will make you feel, this book delivers.

How to Praise Your Kids

I mentioned a few days ago my secret love of Dr. Laura. The second post I wanted to tell you about was one on how to give praise to your kids.

I love how she talks about giving "process praise." This has really opened my eyes to the way I praise J. I want my child to be a productive member of society some day. I want her to add to her surroundings and offer something to those she comes in contact with. I try not to think about how much influence I have in messing her up, for reals! It seems like anyone I've ever known that goes to therapy, the number one influence in 'why they are the way they are' is because of their parents. No pressure or anything though! ...Yikes!

I know that one weakness/strength I have in life is that I thrive on completing a task. If you were to give me a rubik's cube, I would be the kid that peeled off all of the stickers and put them back on in their segregated order. At the very least, I would look up how to do a rubik's cube on line, solve the stupid thing, and move on with life. I am not the person that finds the 'joy in journey' with tasks like those. This characteristic can be seen as a flaw because I was always so focused on the end result that I didn't develop the critical thinking skills that are so useful in life.

I remember when I was a teenager, I joined a soccer team with a new coach. I didn't know him and he didn't know me. When we went into our first tournament together, I worked my butt off to prove to him that I deserved to be on the team. He noticed and was impressed. That particular tournament gave an award to one player on each team--chosen by the coach. He chose to give me the award. From that point on I don't think I ever worked as hard for him as I did before he gave me that award. I had received his approval, accomplished my goal, and wiped my hands clean of the whole process. Obviously, as I got older I began to realize you have to keep working hard, but this is a good raw example of what can happen when kids are only focused on the end result. (I should add, I don't see how this characteristic of mine has anything to do with my parents and how they raised me. Love you, mom!)

With “process praise” – you’re commenting on their diligence and persistence.  According to a study from the University of Chicago, kids are more likely to prefer challenging tasks and believe that intelligence and personality can improve with effort than youngsters who simply hear praise directed at them personally.  It sends the message that effort and actions are the sources of success and your approval.  If you’re impressed by their effort, kids will put in more effort.  If you just say, “You’re very good at this,” that’s it – they stay at that level. They won’t try harder because they figure that they have already reached the pinnacle. 
By praising the process, actions, and strategies (e.g. “I’m impressed that you did your best and worked hard to stick with it”), kids try to do better and better to impress you and themselves.

I've been trying really hard to re-learn and adjust the way I praise J. When we come home after running errands, she's learned that she has to take her shoes and coat off and put them away before she can play. Instead of only praising her for when she puts her coat in the closet, I also praise the way she stuck with putting her coat in the closet even when it kept getting caught on the door frame. It really is a challenge to think of how to rephrase your praises, but I'm hoping it will pay off! Either way, I'm sure she's not going to end up some criminal...at least I don't think so...?

NO BODY that starts off that cute can be a criminal, amIright?

Possibly, this could, though! :)

Book Review: The Wednesday Letters

I've been trying to take J to the library once a week. When I was growing up, I hated to read! It just never interested me at all. My senior year of high school I took a Teen Lit class and began to realize I actually loved to read--I just needed to find books that interested me. College came and I never had time to read anything but textbooks. Towards the end of my college career I started to crave books (or was it just the time to read a book?). Now days, I have to be very careful when I read books because I have the ability to shut all else out and, lets be honest, neglect my family :). I'm hoping that if I help J have a love of reading early on then it will carry with her for the rest of her life. Plus, my roommates that loved to read could read so much faster than I could. Faster reader = more time for fun when you get into high school and college.

This week I decided to read a book that my good friend, Randi, had recommended to me right after college. It's called The Wednesday Letters by Jason F. Wright.

The book is about three children that, after their parents' death, find out their father had written a letter to their mother every Wednesday of their marriage. Through the letters, the children begin to gain a better knowledge and understanding of their parents and their family dynamic.

I truly loved this book! I am so incredible fascinated by family make-up and dynamics. I love books that write about families because my family is such an integral part of my life. Whether a person is close or distant with their family, that dynamic plays a significant role on who they are as a person. It's awesome! I wish there were some socially acceptable way for me to ask people right as I meet them, "Tell me about your family, where you fit in, who are you closest to, who are you not close to, spare no detail, tell me everything!" I feel like you can learn so much about people based on their relationship with their family.

Sorry, a bit of a tangent. But that's why I loved this book! Wright opens the backdoor into the most personal pieces of the Cooper family's puzzle. You grieve with them, you go into shock with them, and you learn the last lesson their parents wanted them to learn--forgiveness--right along with these three siblings. I was constantly picturing my brothers and I as I read this book. I feel Wright did an incredible job at making his characters and their dialog seem so believable and real.

Go read the book...then come back so we can talk about it :)

The Corners of My Heart

I promise, someday I'll get back to some of the other reasons I started this blog, but the Spiritual Health side of my life has just been in the forefront of my mind. It seems that's the way it is when we are going through big changes.

During the 7 Days of Easter, I went looking for this talk, but came across this one along the way. If you don't want to read or listen to it, he talks about how there is a lot of bad in the world, but we have the power to leave that bad behind (for the most part). The talk is entitled, "Place No More for the Enemy of My Soul." The title alone fills me with such power and strength.

One of the reasons I chose to teach in the Health Science field was because I wanted teenagers to understand that their quality of life came down to their choices. A lot of times in high school, I felt like some of my friends got drunk and performed other harmful behaviors was because they felt like that was what they were supposed to do--we were teenagers, that's what the world expected of us. Because I had been raised to not drink or sleep around, I realized I had a choice in the matter. I chose not to do those things.

The other day at church, this lady was teaching the Sunday School lesson and she talked about how she (and all of us) hold on to certain rebellions and tuck them away into the deep corners of our hearts. We're unwilling to sacrifice them, even though we know the happiness of righteousness will bring so much greater joy than any rebellious act could. Some people may scoff at the words 'rebellion' or 'sin', thinking that they don't correlate with happiness. However, in my life, I've always seen a direct correlation between the choices I made and my happiness. I've never had to deal with the misery that is associated with addictions or the heartache and stress that comes from deciding to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. I'm not saying anyone is a bad person because of these acts or that I'm a better person because I haven't dealt with them. I'm just saying that sometimes, as adults, we forget that the choices we make do have  an affect on our happiness.

The teacher's comment made me think about what I have tucked away in the corners of my heart. What am I unwilling to give up--despite the happiness that would come by doing so. Sometimes, we preach and preach about certain aspects of life, but we really need to take a deeper look at what's happening in our own. What's stopping us from achieving our maximum level of happiness?

I came across this graphic on Facebook today, and I loved it's simplicity. Happiness and positivity really can be quite simple to achieve, but what choices are we willing to make to achieve them?

What's been happenin' / Menu 4/1

You may have noticed, I haven't been doing Weekly Goals lately. This move has really taken the wind out of my sails. I've had the hardest time getting a routine going that I like and can stick to. The thought of having weekly goals has become too much (sad, but true). Lately we've been taking it one day at a time. Sometimes, that's just the way life goes.

To make matters worse, J has been sick since last Thursday. Since I am passionate about not letting my kid go to public places where other kids will be when she is sick, I haven't been to the gym since last Thursday either. Basically, I've been a hormonal nut job without my much needed endorphins. Last night I went totally loco on K. When I freaked out over nothing, I thought, "Where did that come from?" Do you ever have those out-of-body-arguments where you know the entire time that you are wrong and have absolutely no idea why you're continuing on in your quest for right-ness? Yep, that was last night. So tonight, as a peace offering, I'm going to admit my wrong and go to the gym. That sort of seems like a backwards peace offering, but K will understand and accept it gladly. That's what we call "a peace offering on a budget!"

While my life may be crazy everywhere else, I have loved still putting up our weekly menus. It makes me feel like I still have my life together...even if it is only in one small area! It really is all about the little things!

Ham sliders

Baked Creamy Chicken Taquitos 

I'm excited about this one!

Twice Baked Potatoes
Remember a few months ago when I said I was going to do this. Yeah, I never did. I did find this new recipe, though. So, hopefully, I'll be giving this a try at some point this week.

Tostadas
-Hard shell corn tortilla, refried beans, lettuce, salsa, cheese, sour cream, green sauce, other stuff. Sometimes we throw nacho cheese on it if we're feeling up to it.

Beef Noodle Casserole

Tilapia marinated in Sun-Dried Tomato dressing, on George Formen, with cheese melted on top, and random spices thrown over it. Basically I loved this recipe and will recreate it with what I have on hand.

Pizza Night
The local grocery store here has a pretty decent generic pizza dough. You can't beat an entire pizza for $3.00!

I'm acca-awkward

I just need to give a big shout out to the good ole' Midwest! This has honestly been the friendliest place we have every moved to. Already, I have been invited to the library twice for a toddlers reading group, J and I were invited to an Easter Egg Hunt, was invited to a craft group (couldn't go, but the offer was still extended), we've been invited over for dinner twice, and just last night I was invited to a girl's night for Saturday! None of that has ever happened anywhere else we have lived. I am feeling really blessed right now.

She was a little overwhelmed...

But she eventually got the hang of it! She was all in once she figured out there was candy inside the eggs!

I'm the type of person that likes details. I like to picture how an event will go and sort of prepare myself for it. For example, when K and I were dating, he would tell me what restaurant we'd be going to and my roommates and I would look up the menu. (Please don't stop being my friend because of this!) While I admit, that's a bit extreme, I just like to know what to expect about situations. I'm also extremely indecisive, so it's better for everyone around me if I prepare. 

Last night when I got the text inviting me to the Girl's Night, I felt like a creep. I accepted the invitation and then proceeded to ask all the details...where is the restaurant, what time should I meet you, etc. When I type out the questions right there it doesn't seem so awkward, but last night it really did. In the past, this is something I might dwell on and be very embarrassed about. While it is still very fresh, I've decided to not let myself over analyze these situations. If it bothers people that I like to know details, then this is a good time to figure out that we aren't very compatible as friends. 

In short, I'm just going to let my 'Freak Flag' fly and if people aren't down with that, that's okay! I think a major part of my self-discover is just accepting who I am and being okay with it! It's okay if not everyone wants to be my best friend. 

Are you a details person? A planner?

Do you over analyze situations? How do you get over it?

I'll be honest, sometimes I have to pray to let it go haha. I'm better now, but it used to just eat me up when I did something stupid.

Stress Relief (Part 3)

See Part 1 and Part 2

After yesterday's pretty intense posts, I thought I'd take it down a couple thousand notches today :). Stress is such an interesting dynamic in our lives. Everyone experiences it and everyone handles stress relief in different ways. Today I want to talk about MUSIC!

I love music! (Does anyone not love music?) When I was a teenager, I used music to feel like I belonged and that other people could sympathize with my emotions--have I mentioned what a dramatic teenager I was? I'm terrified for J's teenage years because I know I will get everything I did to my parents back X 20! Now days, I feel like music is more of an escape from my everyday stresses. It lets me loosen up and let go of the world around me. I love to jam-out! I'll be so sad the day J doesn't want to dance with me in the car anymore!

Lately, I've been a music buying fiend! Getting new music is so exciting to me. I'm totally that person that will buy a song and then listen to it on repeat until I'm sick of it. Or I'll be a few new songs and listen to all of them on repeat until I get sick of them. Lately, I've been wanting songs I can workout to. You should know, I'm not like most people where they need crazy-fast, adrenaline pumping music when I work out. I like songs that I can either (a) dance to or (b) sing along to. Here are my new buys:

I have been loving Maroon 5, lately! I bought the songs, "Daylight" and "One More Night." 

I loved this movie! I want to download more from this album, but I need to pace myself so I don't download us out of house and home. I bought the song, "Pool Mashup: Just the Way You Are." 

Despite the awkwardness of the 'shower scene' in Pitch Perfect,  I loved the slow version of "Titanium" that she sang. Sadly, it wasn't on the soundtrack, so I bought this version instead. I'd never heard of this singer before, but she has a great voice!

I LOVE Ne-yo! This song is great for wanting your body to just dance and move!

Say what you will about T-Swift's dating life, she sucks me in with her ridiculously teeny-bopper style! I didn't love this album as much as I have some of her others from the past. I downloaded "I Knew You Were Trouble" and "State of Grace." 'Trouble' gets you moving and 'State of Grace' is just fun to sing and listen to.

There's been so much hype lately about Justin Timberlake's new album. Overall, I'm not the biggest fan. By that I mean, I will download individual songs, but I doubt I could just buy the whole album and listen to it on repeat. Don't get me wrong, I've been a JT fan since N*Sync, but this just wasn't doing it for me. So far I've only bought the song "Mirrors" and that is my new JAM!! For the disappointment I felt for the album as a whole, this song is so awesome! It makes me want to sing and dance. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that this was on repeat at the gym for me today and kept me on the treadmill for about a half mile longer than I was planning on! 

Proof!

I love the way that music can make you feel so happy! For better or for worse, it really can dictate your mood if you let it.

What songs are you loving lately?

Do you listen to songs on repeat and run them into the ground like me? Or do you have more self-control? (ha!)

Thoughts on my new buys? Love 'em or hate 'em? (It's cool if you hate them, I'm secure enough to hear your honest opinion :))